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OF COURSE I Remember Your Name (Not)

Posted on June 04, 2013

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It happened again.

I took my mother and daughter out for the day, to an antique show. The place was packed with curious, interesting objects and loads of people. Within 10 minutes, I bumped into someone I knew. Or…thought I knew. She certainly knew ME:

“Terry! It’s so great to see you- how are you?”

I go into immediate pinball bouncing face and name retrieving mode. She sure looks familiar, but from where? If I can’t remember who she is, how can I possibly know her name? How in the world does she know mine??

Her face is covered in a huge smile, which slowly fades as she realizes I have no clue who she is. I stammer…

”You look so familiar- forgive me, but… how do I know you?”

I see the familiar jaw tension, meaning I’ve displeased yet another person due to my ADD memory black-out.

“I’m Kay Dubrowski! We went to elementary school together!!”

Whew. I’m out of the woods, since I’ve been out of elementary school for over 40 years. Certainly she’d understand that anyone might not recognize a schoolmate after all those years!

I smile and burst out- “KAY! How’ve you BEEN all these years?? It’s been so….long!”

The smile doesn’t return to her face as she mutters: “Well, we did have that mini reunion, just the 5 of us, two years ago at the deli….”

My cheeks began to burn as I stumbled through my introductions- “Um…meet my mom and my daughter, er…it’s great seeing you AGAIN…er…”

How many times has this happened to you? What did you say to get out of the situation gracefully? Tell me below in the comment section cuz certainly I can’t be the only one with name/face ADD amnesia!


Terry’s Secret Tips for Taming Procrastination

Posted on May 20, 2013

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I’m often asked what one can do to get un-stuck and to get motivated. There are hundreds of books out on motivation and procrastination and I’m sure there are hundreds of great tips and suggestions, as well. But I think we sometimes forget to dig a bit deeper and really ask ourselves what is holding us back, why and what we can do about it.

Obviously, having ADHD means the problems above are typically part of your every day struggles. Those symptoms are hallmarks of having ADHD. We can discuss the way our brain works to pick up some clues, but today, I’d like to take a different approach.

When something is stopping you dead in your tracks, whether it’s a pile of papers sitting on your desk needing to be filed, bills needing to be paid, laundry to be washed, yards needing to be weeded, ask yourself this:

  1. What is preventing me from jumping in and doing these things?
  2. Why am I avoiding these tasks/chores?
  3. What can I do to move forward?

Here are some common reasons why people with ADHD get stuck in Procrastinator’s Hell:

  • Feeling overwhelmed: the piles look 20 feet high.
  • Not knowing where to start.
  • Not having the proper tools/equipment to get the job done.
  • Fear of getting things done; fear of not getting things done.
  • Lack of time (often, perceived time).

What can you do?

I’m a big proponent of using mind games. We all know the normal tricks for getting things done when you have ADHD:

-       Using your planner and writing in your chores

-       Using a timer to keep you on track

-       Rewarding yourself for any and all successes

But what about mind games? Actually, they aren’t mind games; they’re simply a new way of looking at your problems and getting through them. Here’s a few:

Looking back at my list of WHAT, WHY and WHAT CAN BE DONE, analyze them all carefully:

  1. Identify what the problem is (no clean clothes)
  2. Ask yourself why that is a problem (avoided doing laundry because too tired, too busy, too boring and often, over-estimating the time needed to accomplish it)
  3. Decide what you can do about it (put clean clothes away to free up baskets for dirty laundry- yes, I know you keep clean clothes in those baskets!)

And here’s where the mind games come in:

You can choose not to do the laundry and wear dirty clothes. You can choose to not pay bills and pay finance fees. You can choose to leave dirty dishes out on the counter and feel disgusted with yourself every morning that you have to face the mess.

If you’ve read about ADHD, you have lots of tools in your toolbox on how to manage the problems above. But yet, there’s still something missing, and that’s the internal dialogue:

If I CHOOSE to leave the mess, the piles, the bills, HOW does that make me feel? What are the consequences of this?

If I CHOOSE to take action and get these things done, HOW will that make me feel?

You can choose how you wish to feel.

If you’ve made the choice to take action, you can then grab the tools you know you’ll need: make sure you set aside time for the chore, find ways to make it as pain free as possible, etc. Lots of these ideas and tips are in my book, “Survival Tips for Women with ADHD.”

Now that you’ve made the decision to feel GOOD instead of BAD, join me online at my ADD Action Team, where we work together as teammates to get things DONE. This month, we’re working on de-cluttering the yard, tool shed, basement and storage areas and your car. But you’re free to choose whatever project is making YOU unhappy about yourself.

Are you ready to move forward? Or not?

Join me today at the ADD Action Team and we will work together to get you out of your rut. And maybe your mood will begin to soar!


Taking Care of YOU When Your Family Has ADHD

Posted on May 05, 2013

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Years ago, I found myself in a conversation with a mom whose husband and two high schoolers had ADHD. This woman, a professional working part time in a highly competitive medical field, obviously had her hands full, keeping on top of things. Yet, when she spoke of her daily challenges, she had a smile on her face. I asked her how she was able to juggle all these things without having a nervous breakdown and she said simply, “I take a vacation ever couple of months to re-charge.”

Now, I don’t know of many people who can afford the luxury of going on vacation that frequently, so I quizzed her about how she did this. Her response made a lasting impression on me.

She explained that in order to take care of her family, she had to first take care of herself. So…every couple of months, she booked a room at a local hotel, which happened to be connected to a large mall. Since she always “vacationed” on a weekend, her husband was able to take over the parenting duties in her absence. She spent the weekend relaxing and shopping, sleeping in, eating out and basically, re-charging. She said it was cheaper than going to a psychiatrist where she would only spew out her frustrations over and over again each week. This way, she saved money, and after a couple of days, felt renewed and able to face another few months of “ADD insanity.”

The added bonus was that her husband had the opportunity to not only connect more deeply with his children; he also got a taste of the difficulties his wife experienced in taking care of their daily needs. Their marriage strengthened in the process.

When I lecture on the topic of parenting children with ADHD, particularly when the parents also have ADHD, I typically suggest that they think about the instructions travelers hear from flight attendants before takeoff: “In case of an emergency, make sure you don your oxygen mask before placing one on your child.” In other words, in order to care for your child, you need to take care of YOU, first.

In that vein, this mother had figured out that in order to be an effective parent, she needed to take care of her own physical and emotional needs in order to be available to her children and husband.

Here are some other ways to take care of YOU if your loved ones have ADHD:

 

  • Take time away from the family- with your spouse, a friend or alone.
  • Hire a sitter to help with the kids EVEN if you’re at home.
  • Maintain a sense of humor. Easier said than done, I know. But if you can identify these times of distress as “ADD Moments”, it’s one way to re-frame things in a more positive light.
  • Don’t take on all of the responsibility. Mothers in particular, feel society’s pressure to take over and manage the majority of household and parenting responsibilities. Start a dialogue with your partner about helping out more.
  • Of course, there’s the obvious: good health habits- exercise, good sleep hygiene, eating properly.
  • Remind yourself of your family’s positive traits and get into the habit of praising them. We tend to over-focus on the negatives. This shift alone will change the tone and relieve stress within the entire family.
  • Let go of the guilt. If you’re reading this, you are working on learning as much as you can about ADHD and how to get the help you need. Stop the self-blame; it only takes up needed energy.
  • Consider seeing a therapist or counselor to get support and to learn ways to manage your ADHD family.
  • Make sure all family members with ADHD are getting the proper treatment.
  • Work with your partner in presenting a united front. The children need consistency of expectations and discipline.
  • Take parenting classes specific to challenging children. Arm yourself with parenting tools.
  • As Dr. Ned Hallowell often says, “never worry alone”. Reach out to others who are sharing your struggles. Join CHADD, ADDA and local support groups. Open up to family and friends about your difficulties. Find online forums and chats where you can find empathy and even share strategies.

If one of the family members with ADHD happens to be you, make sure you are receiving optimal treatment. Think back to the oxygen analogy. If you aren’t living optimally and managing your own ADHD symptoms, it will be much harder to handle the needs of your family.

Happy Mother’s Day!


Do You Feel Too Deeply?

Posted on April 23, 2013

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Just a few weeks ago, this country, this entire world, was shaken by the Boston Marathon bombings. The media is having a field day with this story – you can’t seem to get away from it.

I happened to be online, reading Facebook when someone posted the horrific news. I was horrified, sickened and worried about what would unfold. Of course, everyone was shocked and terrified by this tragic story, but I found that I could not take my eyes off the news or turn off the radio or stop myself from reading online news feeds. The videos were repeated over and over again until I could memorize the faces of the people running past the finish lines- some in horror, some not even aware of what was happening.

Most people seemed to be able to fit this new piece of terrifying history into a place in their brain and move on with their daily lives, for the most part. I, however, could not remove the frightening images and fear that left me breathless for days.

You see, lots of people with ADHD have an intense emotional reaction to things- we feel “too strongly.” Not in a negative way, but in a neurobiological sense. Certain commercials can bring immediate tears to my eyes. Soulful songs can bring a lump to my throat. As a teenager attending my first symphony, I was overcome by emotion, dabbing my eyes throughout the concert. Hearing of children with special needs struggling in school due to uninterested or misinformed staff makes me pull together a rally in the capital to fight for their rights. In fact, the reason I went into social work a billion years ago, was because of my intense need to fight injustice in this world.

At the time, I didn’t know I had ADHD. But I understand now that I feel things so deeply that if I don’t do something proactive, I literally feel sick.

For those of us with ADD, a comment that can sound like a mild criticism can set us into a tizzy, causing us to obsess over our perceived shortcomings. A book with a sad ending can make us plummet into a bad mood, or worse, for days. Yet, a sunny day after a long gray winter can make us feel indestructible and on top of the world, because deep feelings can go both ways. I remember weeping and I mean weeping when my oldest daughter walked down the stage with her newly earned college degree under her arm.   The intensity of my feelings can just get the best of me, sometimes. Which is why I rarely go to the movies, and flat out refuse to watch violent TV shows.

I’m not sure how much of this is the neurobiology of our ADD brains, our sometimes lack of impulse control (emotional, in this case) or if it’s a trigger, a memory of early screw-ups that makes us more sensitive and vulnerable.

What about you? What triggers your deepest emotions? How do you deal with them?


ADD Action Team: Attack Your To-Do List!

Posted on April 18, 2013

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Affordable Group Coaching Online for ADD Adults- with Terry Matlen!

Did you know that you CAN get rid of clutter, paper piles and and finish those overdue projects hanging over your head? Stop waking up to doom and gloom and instead, jump in with me and ADD Coach Becca Colao. We help you attack your to-do list.

We meet online Tuesdays and/or Wednesdays in 4 -week targeted workshops via online chat and forums to help you become more organized. We offer sessions on De-Cluttering, Attacking Papers, Planning Meals, Getting your Projects Done and much more. This format offers you the structure you need so that you can be amazingly  productive. Yes, you!

We don’t spend a lot of time talking and analyzing our problems: we KNOW what they are! Instead, we roll up our sleeves and jump in, getting things done, then report our successes to the rest of the team to support and hold each other accountable.

Our first workshop is titled “De-Clutter 101″, starting April 23rd.

Are you ready to move forward? Sign up today at www.ADDactionTeam.com .

SPECIAL BONUS FOR ACTION TEAM MEMBERS ONLY! 

We have developed a special step-by-step Workbook just for you, to help guide you through each 4-week workshop. It also contains special tips, hints and resources- a $27 value!

You choose whether you want to work on the weekly subject matter or a project of your own; whatever you choose,  Coach Becca and I – and your teammates – are here to help.

Sign up today and receive your free bonus workbook at www.ADDactionTeam.com


Survey may not accurately indicate the number of children with ADHD

Posted on April 14, 2013

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CDC data shows increase in kids with ADHD

Data from a new CDC report, which was analyzed by “The New York Times,”shows 11% of all school-age children have received an attention deficit hyperactivity disorder diagnosis at some point in their lives – a 16% increase since 2007.

Nearly one in five boys in high school has been diagnosed with ADHD, and nearly two-thirds of children with a current diagnosis of ADHD are taking medication for it, like Ritalin or Adderall.

In this segment with Wolf Blitzer, Dr. Sanjay Gupta explains that the self-reported survey may not accurately indicate the number of children with ADHD.

The crux of the issue is that medical records weren’t used and no patients were directly examined. The method was to call parents and ask them questions about their children, which can be an unreliable way to gather scientific data.

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2013/04/01/cdc-data-shows-increase-in-kids-with-adhd/?hpt=ac_mid


Calling all ADD Coaches, Therapists, Educators, Doctors and more

Posted on April 13, 2013

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PEOPLE WITH ADHD ARE LOOKING FOR YOUR HELP

Every day, I receive emails from people all over the world, desperate to find ADHD related help in their area. They are looking for therapists, doctors, coaches, tutors, attorneys and more.

My professional ADHD directory is one of the most popular pages on the site. With hundreds of visits daily, your listing would be seen by many many people.

Since I want my directory to be affordable to everyone, I am offering annual listings for as little as $77. That’s less than half of what most sites charge.

FACT: “ADHD Directory” is ranked #1 in Google. What does that mean? Your listing will be easily found by folks looking for your expertise.

Sign up now to lock into these ridiculously low prices at http://directory.addconsults.com/add_business .

Questions? Email me at support@ADDconsults.com

Terry

______________________________________________________

Now for the nuts and bolts for those with a longer attention span:

Did you know that visitors to your listing will see a description of your service, photos/logos, hours of service, address, website and more? In fact, we even offer a map so potential clients will be able to find you! Unlike other ADHD directories online, mine is much more affordable. Plus, it offers the ability for you to edit/update your listing at any time and gives more information about your practice or service than most other online directories. And unlike other ADD directories, your listing will be seen by many thousands of people due to the popularity of my website at www.ADDconsults.com .
Thank you again for your interest in being part of the ADD Consults Professional Directory. With my intense marketing, social media efforts and name recognition, my new ADD directory promises to be the largest and most comprehensive one on the web.

Don’t miss out! Sign up today at http://directory.addconsults.com/add_business .


Springing Out of Procrastination

Posted on April 10, 2013

Here in Michigan, spring is taking its time to arrive. Still, that doesn’t mean we should keep procrastinating on spring cleaning and other chores needing to be done, whether it’s 40 degrees out or 60. It can be hard to get started on our to-do list when we’d rather be doing something more fun, so I turned to an expert to give us some advice: Rhonda Pawlan, M.S.

Rhonda, an ADD coach, is my guest blogger today. Her sage advice and practical tips should get you moving and shaking.

 

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                                                 Rhonda Pawlan, M.S.

Springing Out of Procrastination

Spring is a time when so many of us think about projects we’ve been neglecting. You may be thinking about cleaning out the garage, painting the exterior of your house, planting flowers, rotating seasonal clothing from one closet to another, or possibly all the above. Whatever may be on your list, the word list may be just enough to send you into the state of overwhelm. And where does that lead most people with ADHD? To the land of procrastination. Have you arrived yet?

Here in the land of procrastination, we put off what we could do today. And then again, tomorrow. Oh, maybe we’ll get around to it next week. How about next month? You get the idea, and if you’re reading this article, you’re probably quite familiar with this issue. Being aware that a particular challenge exists, is always the first step to making positive change. But you’ve probably been here so many times, you know the land of procrastination has its own zip code. The question is – how can you procrastinate less, and accomplish more?

Procrastinating is a way of not dealing with things that create discomfort. Something about a particular project makes you feel anxious or overwhelmed. Very often, the larger the project, the more it gets procrastinated. But frequently, if we only had to do one little piece of a project, it wouldn’t be quite so unbearable. I’m asking you to look at just one small step at a time. Simon says – take one small step forward.

To start the process, you’re going to choose just one project. It may be best to begin with one of your less complicated projects to get yourself into the groove. Next, you’re going to break your project down into doable steps or tasks. Small tasks that you feel you could handle. What would you need to do first, then second, etc.? You may find that there are some steps that don’t need to be in any special order. If you’re finding it difficult to decide, just toss a coin. The most important thing is that you divide your projects into steps, and the great thing is that you can make the steps as small as you need them to be, just so you can get started.

Once your task list is completed, the next step is to create self-imposed deadlines. These are deadlines you’ll give yourself for each individual task. Finally, those deadlines go into your calendar. Some people may do fine by simply assigning a due date for each task, while others may find they’re more successful by also choosing a specific hour of the day to tackle each task.

Now that you’ve got your project blueprint, its time to get started. Here’s a summary of the key points:

  • Choose your project
  • List the steps necessary in order to complete the project – doable steps
  • Arrange them into the most logical order
  • Assign a due date for each small step and record in your calendar

Keep in mind, it’s a step at a time. Start looking forward to accomplishing something by imagining how good you’ll feel once it’s done. Think of these steps as a fresh way to complete a project you’ve been procrastinating. It just may be the springboard you need to get you started this spring.

Rhonda Pawlan, M.S. has been an ADD coach for over ten years. She specializes in coaching adults and college students throughout country. Her goals are to establish a great rapport with her clients, help get them on track, and stay on track – in the workplace, in school, and in all areas of life. Rhonda has presented webinars for various ADD organizations, and was a workshop presenter at CHADD, when their conference took place in her hometown, Chicago. In addition to having a B.A. in Education, and an M.S. in Counseling, Rhonda received her coach training through the ADD Coach Academy, Jodi Sleeper-Triplett’s program for high-school & college students with ADD, and the Fast Track coaching program. Her clients comment on her warmth, sincerity, and her delightful sense of humor.

Contact Rhonda at: Rhonda@coachmerhonda.com or visit her website at www.coachmerhonda.com.


Terry on NPR “Talk of the Nation”- listen to the archived recording on Adult ADHD

Posted on April 06, 2013

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Missed me on NPR’s Talk of the Nation?

On April 2, 2013, I was invited to be interviewed on Neil Conan’s Talk of the Nation show on NPR. The topic was on Adult ADHD and I was asked to come on to talk about my personal experiences of having been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. Dr. Russell Barkley was the other guest and he gave lots and lots of great research-backed information.

If you missed the show, you can listen to the archive (without commercials!) at

http://www.npr.org/2013/04/02/176037647/a-focus-on-adults-living-with-chronic-adhd

There were some great Q and As as well. Take a listen and tell me what you think.


Join me on NPR: Talk of the Nation April 2, 2013 on Adult ADHD

Posted on April 01, 2013

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Please join me tomorrow (Tuesday, April 2) at 3pm EST, when I’ll be a guest on NPR’s Talk of the Nation with Neal Conan. They’re doing a show on Adult ADHD, to discuss the recent Boston study on the number of children with ADHD continuing into adulthood with symptoms. I’ll be talking primarily as someone who was diagnosed in adulthood.

The expert guest is Dr. William Barbaresi (lead researcher) and possibly Dr. Russell Barkley.

There will be time for Q and A so please do call in!

You can listen live or via stream on the NPR website at http://www.npr.org/programs/talk-of-the-nation/

Hope to “see” you there!