I am NOT an ADDer

Wednesday, December 12. 2007

Ok, I'm prepared to take the heat on this one. But I have to speak up. The truth is...

I HATE the term "ADDer."

I am a woman who happens to have ADHD. I'm a mother with ADHD. I'm a clinician with ADHD. However, I am not an ADDer. I know many of my friends and colleagues use that term and each time I read it, I cringe.

Just like someone with depression is not a depressionER, or one with bipolar is not a bipolarER, I am not an ADDer. I don't like being defined by my condition, period. To me, it makes light of it and also makes it sound trendy and almost cultish.

So, flame away. I put it out there, I can take your comments, good or bad. Gulp.

Posted by Terry at 23:22 | Comments (9) | Trackbacks (0)

Trackbacks

Trackback specific URI for this entry

No Trackbacks

Comments

Display comments as (Linear | Threaded)

It's funny when I first found out I had ADD (ADHD) and found a community of others with it I used the term ADDer too. However I've grown to like to term less and less don't use it anymore. I agree that there seems to be a religious/cult mentality when it comes to the term ADDer.

#1 Tara McGillicuddy (Homepage) on 2007-12-14 00:19 (Reply)

Great point! I think one of the most destructive and disorder reinforcing beliefs is that "I am my disorder." No wonder so many people with ADD suffer from pervasive low self worth. Also what picture of ourselves are we giving to the world at large by applying this label to ourselves as a description of who we are? We really do ourselves a disservice - lets focus on our strengths and define ourselves according to the vast quantity of attributes, talents, and uniqueness that we all possess.

#2 Cathy Watts (Homepage) on 2007-12-15 15:15 (Reply)

I don't know, Terry. Bipolarer sounds really dignified.

I think that is the trouble with ADDer for me. It sounds immature rolling off the tongue, as if it was coined by people who think that "poopyhead" is a high form of insult - basically five year olds.

I have ADHD. I'm not an ADHDer. I agree with Cathy. "ADDer" seems to wrap the condition up with self-identity as opposed to simply being a condition we are dealing with.

~Douglas
☆ The Splintered Mind - Overcoming Neurological Disabilities With Lots Of Humor And Attitude

#3 Douglas Cootey (Homepage) on 2007-12-17 14:50 (Reply)

I've known for years that I had ADD, but only lately has it become a big priority to deal with. And one thing keeps hitting me as I find blog posts like this...

Am I the only one who doesn't really care what it's called, or what I'm called? I mean, come on, Terry - you're an MSW. Are you really that fragile?

I've been both wildly successful and wildly lethargic. I've been depressed and I've been proud. I've been meaning to write a post on my blog about ADD for three weeks now, but I can't, because I've been meaning to get my blog working again for a year and a half. But you know what I'm gonna call it? "Minimal Brain Dysfunction."

And you know what? I'm pretty cool with my ADD. Am I an ADDer? Sure, why not. It's a pretty boring term, but it'll do. Maybe I'm ADDitive. I'm an ADDing machine. Whatever works.

I'm a Tourettic, too. (They all like "Touretter", but I like "Tourettic" because it ends in a tic, and so do I.) Does it "define" me? I dunno. Connotatively, sure. Denotatively, never.

I'm shocked to find entire "web stars" that devote themselves to only preapproved, appropriately-cheerful descriptions of ADD. Know what? Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it sucks. Kinda like life, or asparagus. Usually less stringy than asparagus, come to think of it. Still.

I don't really care if we call it ADD or ADHD, only you can't Google effectively on "ADD", because that's also a word, so ADHD suits me fine. I don't need to emphasize the positives. I know the positives. I'm cool with me. It's why I post with my real name. If you're not cool with you, you have a problem other than ADD, and that's for a different web site.

Then again, I'm a guy who, if I became a paraplegic, would not spend a whole lot of time figuring out which letters to capitalize in "disabled" before deciding to call myself "differently limbed". No, I'd shout "Yo! People! Cripple here! Make way for the cripple! Get out of my way, this thing has no brakes!" as I mowed people over in my 300-HP nuclear wheelchair and zoomed down the sidewalk.

People worry too much about words and stereotypes. I'm a Jewish guy who likes to argue. I'm a white guy who can't jump. I'm an ADDer who always forgets to get refills of Adderall. I'm a fat guy who buys Lean Cuisine and two pints of Ben & Jerry's. Stereotypes are handy mental shortcuts.

"Life is Beautiful" was pretty freaking funny. There's a reason, you know?

#4 Jay Levitt (Homepage) on 2007-12-17 22:33 (Reply)

Hi Jay,

I loved your post. You are pretty darn clever, honest and well, just plain funny. I appreciate your take on the whole ADDer thing and can understand your point of view.

Call it what you want; it is what it is. I just don't care for the "join my ADD club" aspect that I see many people propose when using the term ADDer. It's bugged me forever, but this is the first time I'v stated my feelings about it.

Maybe, too, I'm super sensitive about words people use because I have a daughter with disabilities (ADD is only a fraction of what she's dealing with) and have this sort of radar when it comes to terms used for "conditions" or whatever you want to call it.

But I'm glad you posted your point.
So with your gift for writing, how come your blog isn't updated? : )

Terry

#4.1 Terry (Homepage) on 2007-12-19 22:08 (Reply)

Thanks for the compliment

Tell me more about the "join my ADD club" feeling. I haven't noticed it, but I've only been scratching the surface of ADD-related sites, and I don't quite get your meaning.

I can only imagine how having a child with disabilities would make you ultra-sensitive to, well, anything. That maternal protective instinct is pretty strong, I hear, and I know I can't even begin to understand it without having kids myself. (Which will never happen; for one thing, I'm told you have to feed them almost every day.)

I've never had to be in the position of standing up for a child who can't defend herself; all my conditions and issues and whatever are mine alone, and I'm good enough with the advantages (and the verbal judo) that the disadvantages don't faze me.

F'rinstance, I'm a 97-pound weakling, and Boston's a tough-guy sports-nut college drinking town. But, as a stereotypical, sarcastic New York Jew, I like to mouth off. That could be an unhealthy combination. But it actually works in my favor:

"What's that, tough guy? Do you think you can beat me up? Should I be afraid of you? I completely agree; you can beat me up, and I am afraid. And that's bad - for you. Because if you're placing me in fear of injury, that's assault. And I have the time, money, and obsessiveness to pursue that. Also, you're drunk in public. Also, you're going to look like an idiot when this cell phone video goes on YouTube. So let's revisit this. Should I be afraid of you? OK then. Yes, you have a good one too."

But that sort of judo doesn't work as well when it's your daughter, not you, they're attacking. The good news is, you'll be able to lift up a car by yourself to save her if you ever need to. So that's something.

As for my blog: Well, a year ago, I rebuilt my blog server, and that meant updating my database software, only the new version couldn't read the old database, and nobody knew how to restore the backups, and now there's a new version of the blog software, only it's not compatible with the templates I was using, so I should really redo the templates, only there are a lot of great templating programs now, so I should really check them all out first, and while I'm at it, I should rethink the way the blog's organized, only at that point I might want to think about upgrading the server again, but then I should really get some newer disk drives, oh, and I should start backups, because I'm not making any right now and that's a big risk, so once I get that done, I can start updating the blog, but first, I want to comment on this thing I saw about the new version of the blog software, man, is my ADD bad, let me start reading some ADD blogs, hey, I have an opinion about that, let me comment, ooh, I should really write about that on my blog, oh, but I have to update the blog software...

Also, there's a hole in the bucket.

#4.1.1 Jay Levitt (Homepage) on 2007-12-20 14:20 (Reply)

Jay,

Though I think a large part of this has to do with my daugther's problems, much of it is just my own discomfort with the word, period. I've been around this ADD "world/community" for a long time and think that the term ADDer reeks of "join my club" mentality. Again, I don't like to suggest that ADD defines me; I define my brand of ADD. I also think that "ADDer" makes light of a condition that can bring people to their knees.
But hey, that's just my take; my personal bias. My personal schtick. Yes, I'm Jewish too.

Getting back to you-
You are brilliant. I'm not sure what you do for a living, but the boy can sure write and could be a stand up comic, I'm sure.

You up for writing a piece for my website and newsletter? I promise the check won't bounce. That's because there is no check for this pathetic work. But you'd be doing a mitzva for lots of people.

Terry

#5 Terry (Homepage) on 2007-12-21 08:08 (Reply)

Sure thing, I'd love to... write me at jay at jay dot fm...

#5.1 Jay Levitt (Homepage) on 2007-12-21 12:16 (Reply)

Hi Terry, Just wanted to add a comment on your blog about "ADD". ( First I have to share an impulsive thought and inquire if you have ever had the same thoughts, which is... have either of you ever thought of the correlation of in most cases a characteristic of people that have ADD are compulsive and want to "add" a comment and many times go on and on in trying to make their point,or they always feel the need to "add" something, at least this is true for me)
Now re: the initial reason I was commenting, after reading Jay's blogs and prior to reading yours (Terry), I was thinking of the same thought...(stand up comedians), I agree that Jay would be a great as I was very amused by his comments and I was wondering if you thought a lot of comedians had ADD or AD/HD.

Angie

#5.2 Angie Calvert on 2008-02-01 09:45 (Reply)

Add Comment

Name
Email
Homepage
In reply to
Comment	Enclosing asterisks marks text as bold (word), underscore are made via _word_. Standard emoticons like :-) and ;-) are converted to images. To prevent automated Bots from commentspamming, please enter the string you see in the image below in the appropriate input box. Your comment will only be submitted if the strings match. Please ensure that your browser supports and accepts cookies, or your comment cannot be verified correctly. Enter the string from the spam-prevention image above: Standard emoticons like :-) and ;-) are converted to images. Enclosing asterisks marks text as bold (word), underscore are made via _word_.
	Remember Information? Subscribe to this entry
Submitted comments will be subject to moderation before being displayed.