When Your ADD Makes You Feel Stupid

Friday, June 8. 2007

When Your ADD Makes You Feel Stupid

WHY ARE THESE WOMEN SMILING?

They didn't drop the egg rolls
No one got food poisoning
Terry didn't offer to cook

If you answered #3, you were right.

Let me explain.

The other night was my daughter's Senior All Night Party. I offered to volunteer for one of the shifts, expecting to man the games. Or check ID at the door. ANYTHING but... kitchen duty. Which is what I ended up getting. Life can be cruel; I know.

Not wanting to make a scene, I arrived promptly at 9:30pm for my 3 hour shift, with a good attitude and a secret wish that they'd shoo me away to another station. No such luck.

I rolled up my sleeves, prepared to work. But...I had no clue what I was supposed to do. I asked repeatedly for instructions on what they needed done, but these moms were all too busy to give me any specific chores.

I had a sudden flashback of 7th grade Home Ec Class at Norup Junior High School, where I was given the strange title of "Kitchen Captain- Group 5". I guess there's a hierarchy even in Home Ec classrooms, because our group- group 5, was the last and the worst in the entire room.

Remind me to tell you the story about the giant bleeding cookie...

At any rate, I barely passed that class.

End of flashback- returning to the evening of June 3- at my daughter's school.

The women were rushing back and forth, putting food on platters, washing plates, serving up snacks to the 300+ Seniors who were streaming in and out of the gym, stuffing their faces.

I kept asking what I needed to do, but was ignored. I finally figured out why.

These moms INTUITEVELY knew what needed to be done! It was second nature- cutting up a huge brownie into perfect 3" squares.

Finding the right sized platters for the hand made egg rolls one mom made (I kid you not- HOME MADE!).

Deftly washing and drying utensils, knowing exactly where the supplies were in a totally strange kitchen.

I suddenly became that 7th grade girl who felt completely lost in a school kitchen, who didn't know how to keep a dozen cookies from bleeding into each other to form the famous giant blob-cookie.

How did these women know what to do without being told? I studied one in particular; the one I'll call Hilda. Hilda must have 12 kids, for her amazing ability to multitask was a show in itself. She didn't stop moving the whole night. It was like watching a magic show. The other moms were no less talented in their kitchen skills.

I felt totally lost. So what did I do? What any other woman with ADD does who feels inept in the kitchen: I walked around in circles, pretending to be helpful while studying the magic of these women.

Ok, so where am I going with all this?

As I was studying these moms, I also studied myself. I made a choice: I could feel like a total dolt, kicking myself for being an incapable kitchen flunky.

Or, I could remind myself that I had other talents and that it was ok that being a queen chef was not one of them. As I found myself slipping into that negative mindset, I visualized myself doing things that most likely, these women didn't or couldn't do. I pictured myself in my art studio, painting wonderful pictures. I envisioned myself in my music studio, laying the bass tracks to a song I'd been working on.

What about you? When you feel that ADD inadequacy creeping in, how do you pull yourself out of it?

Posted by Terry at 23:24 | Comment (1)

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Thanks for your illustration. Your example (and question) remind me that my anxiety often shows up when I falsely believe that I have to have a role.

Quite often (as in your example), there's really no reason for me to be involved in a particular task. In that case, my first obligation to the group is to stay out of the way! (Think of doctors, "first do no harm."). Then, I can see if there's some other way I can be useful to the group -- either right then and there ("does someone need to empty the garbage can so there's room for the used plastic wrap and boxes?"). Or maybe my job is to smile and enjoy and cheer for the other folks who are working. Or maybe I don't have a job, at all.

Too often, unneeded anxiety in work situations begins when my questions start with "what do I need?" instead of "what is needed for the work?"

#1 Phil (Homepage) on 2007-06-24 16:28

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