ADD Consults

ADD Consults, Inc. – ADHD Directory, Resources, Consulting and Products

Are You Too Sensitive?

Posted on March 05, 2017

SensitiveWoman

 

Whenever my newsletter goes out, a small handful of people cancel their subscription. (Please don’t get any ideas!) In the unsubscribe box, I encourage my readers to tell me why they’ve decided to leave, as their comments help me to improve my newsletters. Recently, as I was looking over their responses, most said they simply didn’t have time to read a newsletter. But then, one popped out and slapped me in the face. It said: “Too long-winded with nothing helpful to say.” 

As I cringed, I wanted right then and there to shut down my newsletter. It felt like a knife through the heart. But then I scraped myself off the floor and began to think. Why would that one little comment affect me so deeply? I’ve been in this field for over 20 years, published two books, present throughout the country… yet I can still feel shattered when I read or hear criticisms about myself.

I don’t think I’m alone. People with ADD, especially, have tender, sensitive hearts. Many of us have heard criticisms from the day we started Kindergarten (Susie doesn’t pay attention. Emily won’t share her toys, etc.). And many more of us heard things for many years after that from parents, teachers, partners, friends, bosses and others who reprimanded us for one ADD related behavior after another.

As adults, we carry those hurtful words with us into our marriage, our jobs and professions and into our parenting roles, as well:

 

  • You talk too much
  • You don’t listen to me
  • Your room/house/office is a mess
  • Why don’t you just try harder? 

 

Dr. William Dodson talks about something he calls “Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria”- a perception- not necessarily the reality- that a person has been rejected, teased, or criticized by important people in their lives.

He talked more about this in depth at the recent ADHD Women’s Palooza (http://adhdpalooza.com/2017-replays/) and in an ADDitude Magazine article.

In a nutshell, he feels this is a common piece seen in ADHD. And I agree. But why? Dodson suggests this is part of how an ADHD brain work. But to take it a bit further…..

We aren’t just too sensitive; we are re-acting to statements and criticisms we’ve heard all of our lives. Add to that a real sensitivity I do see in many with ADHD: being unusually compassionate to others, plus having hypersensitivities to stimuli (including emotional)…and we’re headed for constant crashes like I had with the newsletter comment.

What we can do to counteract these experiences is to remember where we are most vulnerable. Did you hear hurtful things about your ADD related behaviors when you were growing up? Pinpoint what those comments were and see how they might still affect you now, as an adult.



Focus on your strengths, your abilities. I don’t know how to roast a turkey, but I can play a bass guitar.



And listen to the criticisms to see if there might be something you might learn from them instead of reacting so deeply. In my case, this woman was right: my newsletters do tend to be a bit wordy. So this time, I will end here at 400 words instead of 1400+. <smile>



Dr. Dodson also suggests medication for extreme cases.

What do you think? Do you feel you are over-sensitive at times? Why? How do you deal with that? Share your thoughts in the Comment section below.

 

 


Contest! ADHD Women’s Palooza Feb. 6-11. Win Prizes if you Enter Now!

Posted on February 02, 2017

PaloozaBig

 

Contest! Win your way into the ADHD Palooza, the week-long online event for women with ADHD Feb. 6-11, 2017! Learn from the top ADHD experts in the world: Sari Solden, Dr. Ned Hallowell, Dr. Russell Barkley, Dr. Ellen Littman, Dr. John Ratey, and many more.

The event is free if you attend live, but if you can’t or just want to own every single session, you can win:

1st prize: The Pink Ticket event happening Saturday, Feb. 11. Connect with other women with ADHD and hang out with me, Terry Matlen, and Linda Roggli- ADHD experts/ authors and co-creaters of the Palooza.

Prize includes the Encore Package (all 36 sessions for you to own and enjoy- ($147 value).

2nd prize: The entire Encore Package ($97 value).

 

How to enter:

1. Simply register for the Palooza (it’s free!) at http://bit.ly/2jU7cPh

2. “Like” my ADD Consults page at www.Facebook.com/ADDconsults.

3. Find the contest announcement post at the top of that page. “Like” and share it.

 

Contest ends Feb. 10, so “like” and share today. Good luck to all! 

Not interested in the contest but just want to attend the event? (there is no charge!)- then register today at http://bit.ly/2jU7cPh

See you there!

 

 


Join my Queens of Distraction and Toss your Clutter to the Curb – 20% off

Posted on January 16, 2017

QOD

 

 

      Work with me online in a secret, exclusive private Facebook page to get rid of your clutter!

  • Paper piles
  • Closets
  • Desks
  • Getting to work on time
  • Filing……

We do it all, as a group. And we have fun. So join me today at 20% off my membership fee!

www.QueensOfDistraction.com


How to Manage ADHD and Perfectionism

Posted on January 07, 2017

Woman carefully polishing wine glass

 

Does your need for perfectionism paralyze you to the point of not being able to start a project, let alone finish it?

What’s going on with all this? Is it the fear of making a mistake, thus avoiding the whole thing altogether? Why is there so much anxiety about this? Why do we hold ourselves to a higher standard than others?

My guess is that when confronted with a task or project, we freeze because to us, it represents another potential failure and lord knows, we’ve had enough to last more than a lifetime. And guess what? Many of those “failures” are perceived ones- not actual ones. We hold in our heads the idea (ideal?) of perfection: a home where everything is in its place- no piles of stuff taking over the dining room table. No clean clothes still sitting in laundry baskets on our bedroom floors. No dishes sitting for two days or two weeks in the sink.

The idea of jumping in and taking care of such tasks can be terrifying (and WE with ADD “get” this, whereas those without…well…they usually scratch their heads and wonder what all the fuss is about. But why do we care so deeply?).

It’s this black and white thinking: we think we HAVE to have perfection in how we manage our chores. And we question our ability to accomplish this “perfection”.

 

What do we do about it?

 

We have to change our expectations of ourselves, of our homes, offices, desks, craft rooms, basements, cars, and most of all, our brains. We are not wired the same as neurotypicals, but that doesn’t make us any less able, less intelligent, less creative. In fact, in my 20 years of working with ADHD adults, I see more creativity than anywhere else.

 

Here’s my suggestion:

 

When you come nose to nose with a task that you’re avoiding, dreading and fearing, don’t look at the final outcome as perfection. Look at it as a work in progress.

Can you spend just 10 minutes on one task that has been on the back burner of your brain, making you feel crappy about yourself?

I invite you to post briefly what that task is, and how you plan to get started on it. Post your plan in the Comment section below.

You can do it. I’ll be looking over your shoulder, gently encouraging you, too.

Need help? Well, that’s what I’m here for! Join me and the Queens of Distraction and we’ll help you get started AND see you through. Join today at my New Year’s Special pricing (20% off): www.QueensOfDistraction.com .

 

 


Happy New Year! Plug Your Ears! ADHD and Hypersensitivities

Posted on December 31, 2016

happynewyearfunny

 

Happy New Year! 

Tonight’s the night! You extroverted hyperactive types will be having a ball, heading out to parties, friends’ houses and celebrating with popping corks, balloons and loads of other festivities.

Those of you, like me with inattentive ADHD and who are more introverted, will avoid such outings like the plague. Why? Partly because we have hypersensitivities to noise, chaos, commotion and maybe can’t hold our own in conversations when there are too many people or activities competing for our poor brain’s attention.

Here are some ideas to help you deal with your acute hearing, sense of smell, and overall intense reactions to stimuli. Don’t go home without (some of) them! Or better, allow yourselves to stay home and inhale the stillness of your quiet home. Or a room where you can escape to if you have noisy family members!

 



Do the Holidays Exhaust You? Here’s an Idea

Posted on December 27, 2016

concept of lack of sleep and napping for mature woman

Are you feeling as shell-shocked as me? Every year it happens- the holidays, as much fun as they are for most (though not everyone), exhaust me. I could sit for 10 hours staring out the window right now, just waiting to get my energy back after the holidays. Even good stress is stress nonetheless:

There’s shopping, planning, cleaning, organizing, entertaining, conversations, family issues, oh…and more cleaning.

Then before you know it, it’s New Year’s. Whoopee! More of the same, plus oh- office parties, get togethers, etc. For the hyperactive social souls amongst us, you are in your glory (except maybe for the cleaning/organizing part). For the quiet inattentives, you (including me) might rather curl up with a book in front of a fire on New Year’s Eve.

What’s a woman with ADD to do?

Do what you feel like doing. You just came out of one bustling holiday where, more than likely, you did a TON of work to make your family happy. How about spending New Year’s making you happy?

C’mon- make it your goal to do something for yourself. Share it in the Comment section below, and let’s all make this a New Year’s Resolution- this is our day to celebrate OUR needs. You in? Share your plan below.

 

 

 


Last Minute Gifts for the Procrastinator!

Posted on December 22, 2016

No shame, no blame, ok? Let’s just get right to the point:

Below are some holiday gifts that you can send at the last minute. Ready? Go!

 




Can’t Sleep? Try This App- It’s What I Use!

Posted on December 15, 2016

pizizz

This is one of the best discoveries I ever made. Pzizz works. It helps me fall asleep when I get hit by a bad case of insomnia. I use it mainly, now, for power naps. If I’m worn out and don’t have time to meditate for 20 minutes, I take a 10 minute Pzizz break. Within seconds, I’m in la-la land and wake up totally refreshed.

You can try it out before purchasing. My favorite one is the Nap version. OMG, I love Pzizz.


You Know You’re Having an ADHD Christmas When…….(plus a contest!)

Posted on December 12, 2016

womanchristmas

You Know You’re Having an ADHD Christmas When:

 

1. You tell everyone to bring a dish…and can’t remember what…so you end up with 12 dozen cheese balls.

2. You go to Meijers or another 24/7 box store 3 hours before Christmas Eve to buy stocking stuffers.

3. Your kids wake up Christmas morning… still wearing their summer pajamas.

4. You cut into the turkey only to find a plastic bag full of giblets.

5. You forgot to put the dishes through the dishwasher that morning, so it’s paper plates. Again.

6. You wrap the gifts with birthday wrapping paper because you waited until the last minute to get Christmas paper.

7. You send out your holiday cards on New Years Day.

8. For my Jewish friends/family: You walk around with red, raw knuckles for a week because you can’t judge how far the potato/onion grater is from your hand.

9. You forget to put names on the presents so you have to unwrap and re-wrap them all over again.

10. You procrastinated taking down the holiday lights last year so BONUS- all you have to do is plug them in THIS year.

11.

 

Ok, I need one more- I only have 10. That’s where YOU come in. Post your funny ADD holiday story/tip in the Comment section below by Dec. 25, and one lucky reader will win a free copy of one of my ADHD eWorkbooks (seen here). I will choose the funniest one and share it in the next newsletter/blog. Posting it means you give me permission to post it on my blog, my newsletter, in social media, etc. as well. I will use first name only at your request.

PS: Looking for gift ideas perfect for your ADHD family members? Check out my favorite picks HERE.

 

 


Luxury VS Accommodations: Surviving the Holidays with ADHD

Posted on November 28, 2016

womanfreaking

 

 

You’ve survived Thanksgiving and Christmas is just around the corner. If you’re a hyperactive extrovert, then you might be in your glory. But if you’re an inattentive introvert- like me- you’re completely depleted of energy.

I had 12 people for Thanksgiving at my house- people I absolutely love to death- some whom I only get to see a few times a year, since they live out of state.

Yet even with being around my family who knows me pretty well, it has taken me nearly a week to recuperate. And don’t laugh, but I ordered in all the food because it’s simply too much for me to manage for that many people. I also doubly splurged by hiring a cheerful woman who heated up the food, served it, and…..tada…cleaned everything up for me. For $60, it was well worth that luxury.

But wait, is ordering in and paying for help truly a luxury if one has difficulties with time management, planning, executing, getting distracted and getting easily overwhelmed?

No!

I’m fortunate in that I was able to afford these accommodations. Note my word, accommodations, because getting help is not a luxury. Without help during times like this, I actually get physically ill from the stress.

Next: Christmas/Chanukah. Every year, I purchase all of my gifts online because I cannot handle crowds and chaos at the mall. I wait for Black Friday and Cyber Monday to get huge discounts.

So for you, dear readers, I’ve already done a lot of the work for you. See my page of hand picked holiday gifts- they’re all via Amazon, a trustworthy site. (I get a small commission for anything you purchase starting on my page HERE).

You can get all your shopping done in probably less than 20 minutes. And wouldn’t you rather spend that time in the comfort of your own home?

Shop your holiday gifts today HERE.