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Sensitive to Criticism?

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12:41 pm
October 23, 2012


Terry

Admin

posts 37

Do you just want to cry (or worse) when someone criticizes you, even if it's positive criticism? Share your thoughts here!

- Terry

10:51 am
October 24, 2012


jeg700

caglary alberta canada

Member

posts 4

I am hypersensitive and was reprimanded/punished for it during my entire childhood/teenage years/young adulthood.  I felt others' pain, sometimes more than they did.  My hearing is acute, so noise bothers me more than it bothers others.  My sense of smell is so fine I can smell things other people cannot, no matter how close they press their noses to the objectionable scent.  I learned how to hide almost all of my sensitivities and my feelings quite well over the years.  However, the hurt and pain haunted me forever for a very, very long time.  

I am now 57 years old and was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 55.  I cannot begin to explain the feeling of immense relief I felt!  To finally have an explanation for all the things that bothered others far more than they ever bothered me! LOL What a great feeling!

Now, I embrace Popeye's mantra…I am what I am.  No apologies necessary anymore.  No more pretending.  No more living in denial.  Which, btw, only works for so long…eventually you have to face what's eating you or you will get physically ill.  Been there, did that.  Good news was, that's how the ADD diagnosis came about.  So, in the end, it was worth the trouble.

So now, when I feel hurt, I cry.  When I get angry, I speak up.  I carry tissue with me at all times:)

Then I get over it faster than ever before…because I have a very short memory and because I let the feelings flow naturally, which was a curse for so long but now serves me well.  

Now, when I actually remember something, it was of such significance and importance to me that I appreciate the memory far more any negative memory I carried with me in the past.

And, finally, now, I can live in the present, as I am supposed to do for my own well-being:)

judy

11:40 am
October 24, 2012


wolfie

PA

New Member

posts 1

I cry All. The. Time. Not only in reaction to positive or negative feedback from others, but for myriad other reasons. Sad story in the news. Happy news for people I care about. Live musical or dramatic performances. Beautiful singing in church – all of us together. Someone gives me a compliment. Someone tells me something about my daughter, and preschool activities. Trying to express condolences to someone who has lost a loved one, even if I have never met the deceased, or have met the mourning person only once before. et cetera, et cetera … several times per day at least.

 

I feel like a jacka$$ most of the time when it happens, imagining that people observing the tears (mostly it's just tears springing forth, unless I have to speak to someone) are wondering what is wrong with me. It makes me wonder about the stability of my mental health. Is it normal to be so close to tears so often? It doesn't get overwhelming, and I can stop and get past it with a few deep breaths, so I am not a total wreck, but I just feel emotions so sharply that stopping that initial tearing-up is virtually impossible.

 

Reading this is helpful, because I can recognize myself in your descriptions. I am new to this forum, and even from the names of the other threads in the Hypersensitivities topic, I think I can understand why I am like this. Smells, sounds, the seams of my socks are all things that can really impact how I am feeling at any given moment. I have a lot to read here. Thanks for addressing the topic.

12:16 pm
October 24, 2012


Kande500

Oregon

New Member

posts 1

Terry said:

Do you just want to cry (or worse) when someone criticizes you, even if it's positive criticism? Share your thoughts here!

- Terry

Hi Terry, 

 

I know that we can't please everyone all the time.  I would have cried if I got the same response you did from the reader saying your articles are to long and aren't helpful.  I wanted to let you know that I actually enjoy your long funny stories.  I can relate on so many levels with you.  I enjoy it so much that it takes the focus off of my problems for that brief moment while I read about the funny things you do.  So please don't change because of that one person that was being negative.  I think you will find that a lot of your readers in joy your stories too.  

Sometimes I can be over sensitive too.  I have to avoid stores that have perfume smells.  I'm able to pick up flavors in foods that others don't taste.  And I'm sensitive to noises.  And all my life I have been called names and been put down.  I've been called lazy, stupid, dumbass, drama queen and other names to put me down.  The other night my daughter said it's not always about you and your not always the victim.  I have been seeing a counselor that isn't ADD trained but she is great.  She has been reading up on this Disability and trying to find ways to help me and understand me.  She's a counselor in training.  She is trying to teach me to say what I am feeling instead of instantly reacting.  Not to blame the other person but say I feel like….  Instead of saying you did this….   While trying to change my process it hasn't been very successful because I have gotten the new comments of it's not always about you and your not always the victim which is just been down right hurtful.  But after talking to my counselor yesterday she says to keep it up keep using I feel in my statements that it's the more healthy way and that way I'm taking responsibility for my feelings and not blaming others for it.  

 

She also suggested that I need to find ways to distract myself to do things that I enjoy to do like baking or painting so I don't over focus on all my ADD moments.  She said if you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else.  And it's true.  

So we all need to keep moving on and take every moment as it comes.  We have funny stories to tell so we should because it really does help the next ADD/ADHD person feel like there not so alone out in this world.  And it opens up what our struggles are to others that don't have the difficulties that we do and hopefully it will open there eyes that we really do struggle and its a real problem not a made up problem.  

 

So please keep up the good job Terry because your an encourager and we all need to hear from you.  

Thank you for taking the time to help us all out.

 

Sincerely,

Jamie

12:56 pm
October 24, 2012


Terry

Admin

posts 37

WOW. What a nice response from all of you. First, thank you for taking the time to post, to share your stories, and your sweet encouragement for me to keep writing. And thank you- some of you even wrote me via email.

I can relate to all of you. I've written a lot about ADHD and hypersensitivities (look in my Articles section or in my old blogs here) but we forget that one type of hypersensitivity is emotional. I think it all goes together: too sensitive to sounds, certain smells, florescent lights, perfumes, and feeling things deeply.

Keep learning about yourselves. Keep explaining to those close to you what ADHD is and how it affects you. And most of all, take care of yourselves! If you need time to nourish the creative part of you, mark time off on your planner to go paint, bake, or whatever it is that makes you feel good. Be authentic. Be you!

Hugs,

Terry

3:42 pm
October 24, 2012


Sherra

New Member

posts 1

Yes, I take things very personally. As for the person who commented on the unsubscribe… as someone who manages email marketing for others I can tell you that you can't believe everything that's written in those unsubscribe comments. ;) However, if you're feeling particularly "wordy" for one of your newsletters, write the long content as a blog post (which you already do), then put the first few paragraphs in the newsletter with a "Read more here" link to your blog post.

4:20 pm
October 24, 2012


schoolpsychgirl

New Member

posts 1

I've been described as "overly sensitive" my whole life, usually in relation to emotional sensitivity; however, I've come to realize I'm sensitive to sights, smells, and sounds, as well. 

Like these other ladies have mentioned, I cry when I'm happy, sad, mad, or somewhere in between.  I cry at TV shows, movies, commercials, newspaper/magazine articles, etc….and forget being able to express myself when I do become upset! I often can't even get my words out.  Of course, being continually shamed for being "too sensitive", I work really hard at curbing those tears, and try really hard to "hold it all in", which in the end, is the worst thing I can do. 

Until I started getting your newsletter, I had not come across information related to the heightened sensitivity of those with ADHD.  So, I want to say THANK YOU, for sharing your wealth of knowledge with those of us who are continuing to learn about ourselves.

As a somewhat funny side note: I wasn't diagnosed until three years ago, at the age of 33.  My diagnosis came about after I realized that in my work as a school psychologist, I would sit in meetings with parents and teachers describing how ADHD "can present differently in girls, and often goes missed"….and then one day the light bulb came on, and I realized that the behaviors I was describing were the same things I had struggled with my entire academic career, and continued to struggle with in my new professional role.  Thankfully, I was already in therapy due to an unhappy marriage, and asked to be referred to a psychiatrist.  Midway through our first appointment, the doctor asked me, "How is it possible that you never received a diagnosis?  You fit the "classic" picture of a female with ADHD".  I finally had the beginning of an answer as to why I could be "so smart" but still struggle with day to day activities.

Although I entered my profession in order to be an advocate for all children with special needs, I now have an "extra special" place in my heart for those kiddos with ADHD, and feel the need to educate parents and teachers that it is a "real" diagnosis, that it "looks" different in each child, and most importantly, a child doesn't "grow out of" ADHD. 

10:34 pm
October 24, 2012


sarasal1124

New Member

posts 1

Hi, Terry. I agree with many of the comments already made. Being supersensitive has always been a problem for me, and even now being in the over 60 category it STILL bothers me! My "lightbulb" came on when two of my kids (boys) were diagnosed, the second one in Kindergarten. But even knowing the diagnosis didn't really change my "emotional hypersensitivity". I still react when I hear something that feels like an "attack". After all, aren't I just trying to do my best? And I don't have any "intent" to  be "lashing out, crashing out" at people!  But obviously the people in our environments can't understand what's going on with us, and don't spend any time thinking about it either!! 

The problem is what's the best way to deal with this. Just try NOT to be supersensitive?? LOL !! I don't THINK so!! It takes a few minutes (no, make that a few days!!) of realizing why I'm upset, who said what, where did I go wrong, how to back up & start over, etc. If I actually can get through all that thought-processing (with a brain that is low on Exec. Functioning LOL) I try to be more aware the next time, tell myself I don't need to spend so long stewing about it, try to lay it aside, and then go on with life!

I do remember maybe once when I really tried this, and it sort of worked – at least I thought about what I felt like (just like you did, Terry, when you read that comment) and, hey now I feel like I'm typing too long!!!  so does anyone else out there have any other little hints, cues, signals, self-talk, to add to what we can do??  Sarasal

8:27 pm
April 28, 2013


Cena

Member

posts 8

Kande500 said:

Terry said:

Do you just want to cry (or worse) when someone criticizes you, even if it's positive criticism? Share your thoughts here!

- Terry

Hi Terry, 

 

I know that we can't please everyone all the time.  I would have cried if I got the same response you did from the reader saying your articles are to long and aren't helpful.  I wanted to let you know that I actually enjoy your long funny stories.  I can relate on so many levels with you.  I enjoy it so much that it takes the focus off of my problems for that brief moment while I read about the funny things you do.  So please don't change because of that one person that was being negative.  I think you will find that a lot of your readers in joy your stories too.  

Sometimes I can be over sensitive too.  I have to avoid stores that have perfume smells.  I'm able to pick up flavors in foods that others don't taste.  And I'm sensitive to noises.  And all my life I have been called names and been put down.  I've been called lazy, stupid, dumbass, drama queen and other names to put me down.  The other night my daughter said it's not always about you and your not always the victim.  I have been seeing a counselor that isn't ADD trained but she is great.  She has been reading up on this Disability and trying to find ways to help me and understand me.  She's a counselor in training.  She is trying to teach me to say what I am feeling instead of instantly reacting.  Not to blame the other person but say I feel like….  Instead of saying you did this….   While trying to change my process it hasn't been very successful because I have gotten the new comments of it's not always about you and your not always the victim which is just been down right hurtful.  But after talking to my counselor yesterday she says to keep it up keep using I feel in my statements that it's the more healthy way and that way I'm taking responsibility for my feelings and not blaming others for it.  

 

She also suggested that I need to find ways to distract myself to do things that I enjoy to do like baking or painting so I don't over focus on all my ADD moments.  She said if you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else.  And it's true.  

So we all need to keep moving on and take every moment as it comes.  We have funny stories to tell so we should because it really does help the next ADD/ADHD person feel like there not so alone out in this world.  And it opens up what our struggles are to others that don't have the difficulties that we do and hopefully it will open there eyes that we really do struggle and its a real problem not a made up problem.  

 

So please keep up the good job Terry because your an encourager and we all need to hear from you.  

Thank you for taking the time to help us all out.

 

Sincerely,

Jamie

wolfie said:

I cry All. The. Time. Not only in reaction to positive or negative feedback from others, but for myriad other reasons. Sad story in the news. Happy news for people I care about. Live musical or dramatic performances. Beautiful singing in church – all of us together. Someone gives me a compliment. Someone tells me something about my daughter, and preschool activities. Trying to express condolences to someone who has lost a loved one, even if I have never met the deceased, or have met the mourning person only once before. et cetera, et cetera … several times per day at least.

 

I feel like a jacka$$ most of the time when it happens, imagining that people observing the tears (mostly it's just tears springing forth, unless I have to speak to someone) are wondering what is wrong with me. It makes me wonder about the stability of my mental health. Is it normal to be so close to tears so often? It doesn't get overwhelming, and I can stop and get past it with a few deep breaths, so I am not a total wreck, but I just feel emotions so sharply that stopping that initial tearing-up is virtually impossible.

 

Reading this is helpful, because I can recognize myself in your descriptions. I am new to this forum, and even from the names of the other threads in the Hypersensitivities topic, I think I can understand why I am like this. Smells, sounds, the seams of my socks are all things that can really impact how I am feeling at any given moment. I have a lot to read here. Thanks for addressing the topic.

I am glad I came across this. I have always been super sensitive! But I have never heard about sensitivity to smells, lights etc. This is a new one and how interesting. I don't know if this is related, but many, many years ago at work, I started seeing lightning bolts and bright spots, I couldn't shake it so, I called my Mom and she set up an appt., with a friend of hers who was attending Univ Of Houston in the Opthomology Department. I was tested for hours, and the head doctor came by, saw my results and said "no way she could have tested like this". Well now after reading this, maybe it was because of my ADHD. I really felt down and bad about what he said> He even suggested to the examiner (student) that I need to see a Neurologist. I had no clue why.  I am now in my early 50's and ADHD definately never goes away! I am still learning a lot, and I now know that peri-menopause and menopause only makes it worse. I am thank goodness through the hardest part, but I still am affected! Hopefully soon I will get in to see a psychiatrist and hopefully be able to take some meds! Thanks for the postings!Surprised

8:36 pm
April 28, 2013


Cena

Member

posts 8

also like to add to my above posting, I really understood the "it's not always about you comment". You know it is how I feel, see things and react to things. When people say things that hurt me because they don't understand me, it is about me. It makes me angry that they lash out without even trying to understand ( this is me, the way I am), people who know me that is!  I can't expect strangers to understand because they don't know me!  When your own family (knows you are different and you have ADHD ) and still doesn't understand or judges you harshly or says things like, "suck it up", it really hurts and makes me angry. Then of course I go in to the automatic, pulling away and seclusion mode! Wow, what a vicious cycle. And funny enough (or not) even as I get older it doesn't get better.  But these post have opened my eyes to learn, wow, people are like me and they are talking about it. I am so glad I found this, just today!!!! Will be looking forward to reading more and finding more blogs/forums, maybe!

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