I lost my step-dad a few weeks ago… at the ripe old age of 91. Though his passing was no surprise given his age and many health challenges, I was shocked at how hard it was for me, on many different levels.
From the perspective of ADD, there was only one easy thing about all of this: I didn’t have to decide what to wear to the funeral. Ok, so that might sound funny or insensitive, but it’s true. So let’s move on to some of the ADD related issues that weredifficult. I’m wondering if any of you can relate-
Other than the obvious heartbreak of losing someone close and its effects on the remaining loved ones, I found that I was thrown for a loop in other ways, mainly in the challenge of what I’m calling emotional multitasking. Ok, so I just Googled the term and see I didn’t invent it. Oh well.
They say that people with ADD are good at multitasking. I beg to differ, at least in my case and in many adults I know with ADD: we tend to get overwhelmed and de-railed when too many things hit us at once.
Not only is there a flood of emotional pieces that the griever must work on (the rush of feelings, even when you think you’re prepared; dealing with family members not getting along, working on your own grief while helping others get through theirs…etc.) but there are also the tangible things that have to be taken care of: managing estates, paperwork, belongings…all while having your routine thrown completely off- resulting in feeling, again, de-railed and often lost and confused.
Adults with ADD often feel things deeply. I addressed this in my book, “The Queen of Distraction” but it bears repeating here. Grief, concerns, worry, fear, anxieties- we don’t typically just breeze through any of these or other strong emotions. They leave their tattoos on our soul for weeks, months and often, forever. We’re told to “just get over it”. We’re told that the feelings aren’t normal. But with ADD in the picture (and often times, their not so friendly pals, anxiety and depression), we need to take a different path than our non ADD friends and family and allow ourselves extra time to recover and also to seek out extra comfort and support during life challenges.
How about you? What major changes in your life have thrown you for a loop? How did you get through it?
Please share in the Comment section below.
As a county coroner for 16 years I experienced many deaths plus losing my own family members.
A major loss is so difficult. During my times of grief I always find it amazing that the rest of the world carries on as though nothing has happened. My world of attempted regularity was called to a screeching halt by the loss. All of my attentions and those around me, no matter how varied, were fully focused on our loss.
Going through the initial process of intensity, I think, is healthy. This loss is a VERY BIG DEAL. By dealing with the papers, the belongings, the legal issues, etc. you are working through it all. You and everyone else involved is forced to talk about the person who passed or about the loss. Everyone has a bit of a different perspective on all situations. This is very therapeutic. Everyone has a special thought or story about the person. Little by little pieces of our individual realities come back in. The details will settle and you will be left with a blessed life having had this person in your life. These are the memories you will have forever. Journaling your feelings may be helpful if you have the energy. It is an amazing process to go through but the end product of you will be enlightened. Now you can be there to help others when they are in crisis. Blessing from Rai.
I can so relate. I think the loss of a love one is heartbreaking for all. However, I can understand the additional derailment of an ADD person. I lost my dad last year and I was extremely close to him. Almost a year later I am still struggling with the side bar grief. It became almost impossible to pay bills, organize myself or accomplish simple tasks. I am digging myself out of a huge pit daily still as a result. I became overwhelmed at everyday tasks and simple things. It is so hard! I get discouraged and want to give up.