Every week, Thursday nights, in my Queens of Distraction online coaching group, we have a new topic that I throw out for discussion. The other week it was: “AM I THE ONLY ONE?– SHARE YOUR QUIRKY IRKIES, i.e offbeat ADD traits. How can you turn around your quirkiness and look at them as strengths?” It was fascinating because many of my members realized that they certainly were not the only ones who did this or that or who struggled with what they thought were unusual behaviors or traits (“I’m not the only one who can’t tolerate wrinkles in my sheets?”). It was an evening of healing, I thought, especially when we took a deeper dive and talked about turning around our self-deprecation, our embarrassment and shame for essentially having an ADHD brain, and learning that we can use these things to our advantage.
For example, many of us have a hard time making social connections because others don’t seem to “get” us. If you re-frame that and think: ‘well, what is it they don’t get about me?’. It could be that you are a divergent, creative thinker. Or that you are seen as “off-beat” because you volunteer as a clown on weekends. Or that you play bass guitar in a rock band. My response to that is to start thinking about where you can find potential friends who share your interests, your passions- people who celebrate your differences. Stop trying to fit in!
Quirky can mean creative. Quirky can mean bold- being strong enough to just be yourself and not fall prey to expectations. Quirky can be humor. Quirky can be a strong sense of self.
If you’re super sensitive, that can be a wonderful advantage. You can find a career in the helping field, lose yourself in art or music, rescue animals, write poetry. Seek out other sensitive souls! The idea here is to stop pathologizing your ADHD. See it more as a trait. Not that I’m minimizing your struggles with time management, memory, disorganization, etc., but let’s start searching for ways to celebrate our differences vs hiding because of them. Are you ready to take that step?
I’d love to hear from you and how you see yourself as quirky, because trust me, you aren’t alone and it’s time to stop hiding. In fact, here are a few of mine:
- I cannot tolerate touching anything sticky. I come close to freaking out. Yes, my family finds that very funny. I don’t.
- I cannot hear people talking to me unless I look at their lips- I probably have some kind of auditory processing issue. Thus, I hate HATE the telephone.
- I actually *do* play guitar, bass, piano, drums. And I’m still looking for a band!
- I eat the same breakfast every single day.
- I’m still afraid of “killers” hiding under my bed.
- I can’t watch TV for more than 15 minutes, but I can be on the computer for 5 hours.
What about you? Please share your quirkiness in the comment section of my blog, below.
I can’t stand small repetitive noises, like fingernails drumming or a pen clicking. Drives me up the wall & I can’t concentrate on anything else.
Labels in clothing with those scratchy edges (a common one, I know.)
Anything snug-fitting on my arms. (Like a long-sleeved T-shirt that is tight in the arms.)
Side conversations in a meeting (can NOT concentrate on the main speaker!)
Hi Terri! Here’s my quirky list 🙂 Some are similar – especially the reading lips – very difficult lately to “hear” others with masks 😉
I eat the same lunch every day!
The sound and even the sight of someone brushing teeth gives me the willies (and they seem to do it in every.single.movie.) My round-headed electric is the only way I can brush.
I will save any bug or critter that enters my home or workplace. Mosquitoes excepted. Gnats too, but the geckos here find their way in as soon as a spoiled banana begins attracting them, so win win there.
Avid birder – we’re a quirky bunch too!
I can spend hours exploring my backyard for any new insects, animals, or plants – and spend more hours identifying them!
Dear Terry,
You’ve made a useful point with “stop pathologizing” – “No apologies. No pathologies” could be a motto for some of us who feel awkward enough about how we function, searching for an answer in illness… We could achieve a more fulfilling life and sense of self by identifying our strengths and weaknesses , limiting/corraling the weaknesses, creating new strengths and reinforcing them, rather than giving focusing to or dwelling on what we cannot do. We only have so much energy, so don’t waste it on negative mental pursuits – be constructive!
Everyone has their quirks, some more than others (lol). To add mine to the list: Uncontrollable reaction (okay, just a scream): rodents, snakes of any kind (they aren’t ALL killers – some of them are said to be quite “sweet”, but I’m not going to take the time to figure out “who is who” …), fast-crawling insects. And mayonnaise – I have screamed when mayonnaise fell between my toes. I am 67 years old, I’ve had many years of experience with all of the above and I’m still as reactive as I was 60+ years ago. It is what it is… And it’s likely that only the mayonnaise bit is possibly ADHD-related (more lol).
Thank you for your blogs, Terry.
Best regards,
Deborah B.
I can’t stand the sound of someone tapping or clicking their pen anywhere around me. I will just blurt out the person’s name and tell them to please stop. Also, the sound of cutting fingernails with a nail clipper. That just skeeves me out. I have to smooth out the sheets around me before I am able to get comfortable to fall asleep in bed. And, does anybody else turn the freaking car radio down when exiting a freeway?