Whenever my newsletter goes out, a small handful of people cancel their subscription. (Please don’t get any ideas!) In the unsubscribe box, I encourage my readers to tell me why they’ve decided to leave, as their comments help me to improve my newsletters. Recently, as I was looking over their responses, most said they simply didn’t have time to read a newsletter. But then, one popped out and slapped me in the face. It said: “Too long-winded with nothing helpful to say.”
As I cringed, I wanted right then and there to shut down my newsletter. It felt like a knife through the heart. But then I scraped myself off the floor and began to think. Why would that one little comment affect me so deeply? I’ve been in this field for over 20 years, published two books, present throughout the country… yet I can still feel shattered when I read or hear criticisms about myself.
I don’t think I’m alone. People with ADD, especially, have tender, sensitive hearts. Many of us have heard criticisms from the day we started Kindergarten (Susie doesn’t pay attention. Emily won’t share her toys, etc.). And many more of us heard things for many years after that from parents, teachers, partners, friends, bosses and others who reprimanded us for one ADD related behavior after another.
As adults, we carry those hurtful words with us into our marriage, our jobs and professions and into our parenting roles, as well:
- You talk too much
- You don’t listen to me
- You never finish what you start (tip: check out QueensOfDistraction.com)
- Your room/house/office is a mess
- Why don’t you just try harder?
Dr. William Dodson talks about something he calls “Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria”- a perception- not necessarily the reality- that a person has been rejected, teased, or criticized by important people in their lives.
He talked more about this in depth in an ADDitude Magazine article.
In a nutshell, he feels this is a common piece seen in ADHD. And I agree. But why? Dodson suggests this is part of how an ADHD brain work. But to take it a bit further…..
We aren’t just too sensitive; we are re-acting to statements and criticisms we’ve heard all of our lives. Add to that a real sensitivity I do see in many with ADHD: being unusually compassionate to others, plus having hypersensitivities to stimuli (including emotional)…and we’re headed for constant crashes like I had with the newsletter comment.
What we can do to counteract these experiences is to remember where we are most vulnerable. Did you hear hurtful things about your ADD related behaviors when you were growing up? Pinpoint what those comments were and see how they might still affect you now, as an adult.
Focus on your strengths, your abilities. I don’t know how to roast a turkey, but I can play a bass guitar.
And listen to the criticisms to see if there might be something you might learn from them instead of reacting so deeply. In my case, this woman was right: my newsletters do tend to be a bit wordy. So this time, I will end here at 400 words instead of 1400+. <smile>
Dr. Dodson also suggests medication for extreme cases.
What do you think? Do you feel you are over-sensitive at times? Why? How do you deal with that? Share your thoughts in the Comment section below.
Like This Article?
Want to be alerted when a new blog post is published? Sign up for my newsletter!
DRUM ROLL – SPECIAL EVENTS:
The ADHD Parents’ Palooza Returns!
Don’t Miss My Session:
It’s back – the ADHD Parents’ Palooza, jazzed for 2022 with 32 experts, 16 new topics and cutting-edge information you won’t want to miss. It’s free, online and three days only:
July 28-30, 2022. Register here: https://bit.ly/3IFqGkF.
My friend and colleague, Jeff Copper and I talk about hypersensitivities in adults and children with ADHD. It’s more common than you think and unfortunately, not understood all that much by professionals.
Register now and join us, along with top ADHD experts Drs. Ned Hallowell (and wife, Sue Hallowell!), Ari Tuckman, Thomas E. Brown, Ellen Littman, Ross Greene,Roberto Olivardia, Sharon Saline, and Elaine Taylor-Klaus, Caroline Maguire, and many more.
Do not miss this event- there’s no cost to attend live, July 28-30.
AND DON’T MISS THIS!
JULY 22-23
The ADHD Global Gathering by ADDA
A different brain requires a different approach.
Join ADDA for a 2-day, global, live and virtual “learning & doing festival” July22-23, 2022. This first of its kind event is structured to help you make real, practical change in your life across three key areas of Work, Relationships, and who YOU are with #ADHD.
Learn more and sign up (and join me July 23 for a special event for Women with ADHD).
Terry Recommends
I am SUPER excited to share with you a new resource I discovered: Your Therapy Journal. It includes prompts, guided sessions, goals, check-ins, your session notes, and so much more. Make the most of your therapy sessions!
You can also find these helpful resources as well (all at MyTherapyNotebooks): The Anti-Anxiety Notebook, Depression Guidebook, Trauma Workbook, and Sleep Workbook.
Get the most out of your hard therapy work as well as your own personal work outside of the therapist’s office.
Exclusive! Looking for One-on-One Help with Me? Zoom Consultations
Feeling stuck? Need to get your life back in order? I can help!
Let’s work together to help you get back on track (or get started on your journey!). I provide short-term sessions offering psycho-educational information, resources, support, and mini-coaching to help you get started- whether you’re looking to find someone to evaluate you or if you’ve been struggling your whole life and are ready to get unstuck, I can help.
I get it. Because I have ADHD, too, and over 25 years of experience working with adults with ADHD.
(I have a limited number of slots available; if you don’t see a time that works for you, email me at terry@ADDconsults.com).
The Queens of Distraction
Struggling to tackle paper piles, toy piles, projects and more?
Then join me and your fellow Queens of Distraction online in a private, secret room where we Get Things Done. We “get” it and are here to help you.
Where to find Terry Matlen:
Website: www.ADDconsults.com
Coaching: www.QueensOfDistraction.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/ADDconsults
Twitter: twitter.com/TerryMatlen
Instagram: www.instagram.com/terrymatlen_adhd
Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/terrymatlen
Email: terry@addconsults.com
Wait: Like this article?
Please leave your thoughts, resources, hacks, etc. in the comment section below.
Want to be alerted when a new blog post is published? Sign up for my newsletter!
* ADHD- friendly disclosure: Some of the links above earn me a tiny commission. Only purchases of my book earn royalty. The end.
I’m SLOWLY learning how to manage my feelings of being overly-sensitive – I have a tendency to read into every look, every gesture, every word. But being aware of it helps me to teach my 10yr old daughter with ADHD how to manage her own feelings and emotions. And I want you to know, I’ve signed up for many newsletters in my day, and yours is the ONLY one I actually read! It always gives me a boost and lets me know that I’m not alone in my ADD “dysfunction”, keep them coming, just as they are, don’t change a thing 🙂