We all have busy days where we simply can’t get a meal on the table. And many of us, who have the time to cook, might still be stumped as to what to make. I fit in both categories.

Last night, we were rushing to get to my daughter’s dance recital. Of course, I hadn’t planned ahead of time and began rummaging through the pantry/fridge, looking for a quick meal idea. Mind you, this was at 5:30pm.

I stand here before you, with an open heart and in complete honesty, am about to disclose the absolute worst and unhealthiest dinner I have ever prepared in my life.

1. Sloppy Joe. Ok, if it was made from scratch (scratch meaning browning hamburger meat and adding a can of Manwich), it wouldn’t be so terrible at all, right? But I found a ready-made tub of Manwich, with the meat and everything else, ready to go. I heated the stuff up. And while I was doing that..

2. I grabbed some Texas garlic toast and threw those under the broiler. This was my older daughter’s idea and it was a nice change of pace from the typical hamburger buns (which shockingly, I happened to have).

3. I found 4 small containers of readymade Mac & Cheese. Zapped those in the microwave.

4. Then I realized that there were no veggies on the menu, nor did I have anything green in the house- not even salad! Mind you, I had gone grocery shopping earlier in the day and forgot to get vegetables. So…I grabbed a can of corn from the pantry and heated that up.

So that was our fine dining: pre-made Sloppy Joe on garlic toast, canned Mac & Cheese and canned corn.

Who can beat me? What’s the worst meal YOU ever prepared in a pinch?

Years ago when my daughter announced, to my horror, that she wanted to be a Brownie, I led her to her first meeting with reluctance. I was happy for HER that she wanted to be part of this wonderful organization, where she’d meet new friends, learn new skills and develop a better super-ego.

But I knew that it meant new activities for me that I hate doing: baking cookies and brownies and leading activities that involve other fine motor skills that I find difficult to do. And of course, it meant being in a room full of very noisy children every Thursday afternoon at 4pm.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the whole “earning badges” aspect of being a Brownie. Or to be more specific, having to sew those cloth demons onto my daughter’s vest every time she learned a new bird whistle or saved a tree from dying.

You see, I am horrible when it comes to managing many domestic responsibilities and that includes sewing. Even replacing buttons puts me into a tizzy and I typically ask my husband or kids to take that task on.

So when I was faced with a little brown vest needing badges sewn on, I came up with a brilliant solution.

I stapled them on.

Yes, I stand here before you, admitting that I STAPLED my daughter’s Brownie badges onto her little vest. Being the good Brownie she was, she earned a LOT of badges. But I was no longer avoiding the task; I’d just grab my hand stapler and go to town.

Until one day, she came home from a meeting gushing tears.

“Mom”, she said. “The staples are digging into my skin. I can’t even sit down- I’m scratched all over!”

I don’t know who I felt worse for– my daughter with her red blotched, scraped up skin..or me and my inability to even deal with a little Brownie vest.

Sadly, she ditched Brownies the following year. Maybe she was embarrassed to show her face at the meetings, worried about any comments she might get from the crooked patches covering her vest, carefully (ahem) sewn on by her mother.

Or maybe she got sick of the generic, tasteless cookies I baked…I mean…purchased.

Unlike most mothers who worry about their children fitting in, did she know it was ME who felt I couldn’t measure up to the other moms?

Those of you who have attended my ADHD presentations at CHADD, ADDA and elsewhere, might have already heard about my holiday dinner disaster story, and like I promised in an earlier post, I’m going to share it with you, here.

It happened a number of years after I’d been diagnosed with ADHD and I had already gotten to the point of working hard at accepting my ADHD and learning to make accommodations for it. Still, one never knows when the ADHD blooper can take you down…

In all my adult years as a married woman with children, I had never hosted a Passover dinner. For those of you not familiar with this Jewish holiday, let’s just say that it involves about 100 different dishes that have to be served in a fairly systematic way. Ok, so I’m exaggerating. Maybe 10 dishes…

Luckily, over the last 30 years or so, my mother-the-gourmet-cook gladly took this on, inviting anywhere from 12 to 20 people to her home and cooking everything from scratch. (The cooking gene in my family obviously skipped a generation).

Back to the story. About 8 years ago, I decided that I wanted to have Passover dinner at my home. Armed with all kinds of ADD friendly tips, I knew exactly what I would do to make this successful with the least amount of stress. So….I picked up the phone and invited my family and chuckled at the gasps on the other end of the line. Historically, my contribution had been the relish tray (how hard is it to slice tomatoes and pickles?). But like I said, I had a plan…

I called the local catering company that specializes in holiday meals. When the lady asked me what I wanted to order, I froze. How MUCH chicken do you order for 12 people? How many servings of gefilte fish do you buy? One per person? Two? Already, I felt my confidence begin to fade. Until the helpful lady on the line walked me through the entire order. Stuffing or baked potatoes? She helped me decide on everything, thank goodness.

I realized at that moment, that it was a slam dunk. All I had to do now was to get the house in order (and that is a TALL order for someone with ADHD). But I felt I could get that done, again using the tips I’ve shared over the years with my readers, clients, etc.

Basically, I focused on the few rooms in my home that people would be using. I crossed the entire upstairs off my list. I got the dishes in order, set the table, and just did the best I could without overly obsessing over the whole thing. That alone was a huge shift in my attitude about living with ADHD: letting go of internalized expectations (thank you to Sari Solden’s book, “Women with Attention Deficit Disorder” which I recommend everyone read at least once).

The big day arrived and I smirked to myself as I drove cross town to the restaurant. Finally, I could be a true “grown up” and have people over for a wonderful meal. It didn’t matter to me whether I cooked it or not!

I picked up boxes and boxes of food, realizing that this method of surviving the holiday probably cost me a mortgage payment, but to me, it was worth every penny.

As I drove home, I had the window down, exhilarated by the unusually warm spring day. As I passed house after house, I got smug, visualizing all the poor women slaving over hot stoves on such a warm day.

Once I arrived back home, I decided to do another once over to make sure the house was presentable (note the word presentable; not spotless/perfect). I tidied up a bit, checked the clock, then calculated what time I’d need to turn the oven on in order to warm up all the food. 5:30 5:30 5:30. You see, I use a mantra system when I need to remember such things.

5:30 came and thankfully I remembered to turn the stove on. I opened up the refrigerator door to pull out all the food but stopped dead in my tracks.

You see, there WAS no food in the fridge. My mind raced- who took all the food? Why would someone do that? Then in a second, it dawned on me:

I’d left a few hundred dollars worth of food in my car trunk and it had been sitting in a hot garage for 7 hours. People with ADHD might be risk takers, but I wasn’t about to earn the nickname “Typhoid Terry”. I tossed out all the food. But I started to panic- twelve hungry people were about to leave their homes to come for a hot, delicious holiday meal. And I had nothing to offer, unless you’d consider tuna and boiled peanuts Passover fare.

The solution came to me in a flash, luckily, and I quickly called all of my guests, announcing that we were going to have the first ever Passover smorgasbord. I asked everyone to grab whatever they happened to have in their fridge and just bring it by. I still fretted, though- what if everyone brought day old tuna casserole??

My trusty husband, Jerry, came to the rescue. He dashed out and picked up a ton of readymade chicken, just to be on the safe side.

Luckily, everyone had great things to bring (unlike me, they COOK every day).

So though we didn’t have the traditional holiday dishes, we enjoyed this very funny dinner and realized that after all, it’s not what you eat, but who you eat it with.

Having worked in the White House as a clerical assistant, I was managing phone calls, email and other tasks for staffers. There was to be a photo shoot after dinner and we were all instructed to attend. I recall sitting with other secretaries when, right in the middle of the dinner, the main phone rang. I heard someone yelling to my co-worker that we really needed to be answering the White House phone.

I didn’t get the phone; I was thinking how earlier that day, a woman with a whole slew of Portuguese Water Dog puppies had been walking around the grounds and how she allowed me to take one of the pups for a few days, reminding me that I had to ship him back home to her. Also admiring the pups was no other than Michelle Obama!

At any rate, the meal ended and we were about to pose for the photo shoot. I was sitting next to a group of women who’d been working at the White House forever. They were posing in such a way so that they could be sure to have their faces seen, all but pushing me out of the camera’s range. I asked if I was supposed to be sitting with my husband, who had a high position with the White House staff, and was told they’d be photographed separate from their wives.

Suddenly, Michelle Obama swept by and I introduced myself. She kindly reminded me that we’d met earlier when I was admiring the Portie pups. My cheeks burned in embarrassment, but she was forgiving of my lousy memory.

She began to tell me something interesting- her face was animated and her hands moved in unison with her words. But my co-workers’ chattering quickly distracted me and as is often the case when I’m in a room with multiple conversations going, my brain bailed…but this time…from the First Lady. The most important meeting of my life and I turned back to Ms. Obama only to see I’d missed every word that came out of her mouth.

So I ended up doing the “Terry Nod”- pretending I’d heard every word by nodding and smiling at her, while quietly kicking myself for having allowed my attention to drift. Again.

I woke up from this dream semi-agitated, realizing that even at four in the morning, my ADHD seems to follow me.

As a parent, you’ve probably heard that children who consume too much sugar will become hyperactive. Your mother has warned you to change your child’s diet. Your friends who do not have children with ADHD, suggest you’re a lousy mother for allowing your child to eat a cookie or two every day, let alone drink a bottle of soda on occasion. After all, aren’t you supposed to be eliminating any cause for his hyperactivity?

With Halloween coming, you’re probably struggling with what to do about the bags of candy already entering your home. What’s a good mother to do?

Well, let’s start by getting the facts straight. First off, *studies show that sugar does not cause hyperactivity. Sugar does not cause ADHD, either. In fact as a woman with ADHD myself, I find that sugar actually calms me down!

What we DO find is an association between social activities involving treats full of sugar and a change in a child’s behavior. What does that mean?

Think about it. When does your child typically consume large quantities of sugar?

– Birthday parties
– Halloween
– Other special occasions

And when do children with ADHD typically become more excitable? Well, read the list above.

So next time someone “helpfully” suggests that you remove all sugars from your child’s diet, remind them that there are no studies that prove that sugar causes hyperactivity. Refer to the references below if you really need some ammunition. And explain that you aren’t about to remove your child from social activities that involve sweets as part of the festivities. That is, unless your child happens to become so overstimulated that it’s best to limit activities that rev him or her up!

Now go enjoy Halloween with your child!

*REFERENCES:

Cormier E, Elder JH. Diet and child behavior problems: fact or fiction? Pediatr Nurs. 2007;33:138-143. Review.
Crook WG. Food allergy–the great masquerader . Pediatr Clin North Am . 1975;22: 227-238. In: Kinsbourne M. Sugar and the hyperactive child. N Engl J Med . 1994;330:355-356.
Cruz NV, Bahna SL. Do food or additives cause behavior disorders? Pediatr Ann. 2006;35:744-745,748-54. Review.
Kanarek RB. Does sucrose or aspartame cause hyperactivity in children? Nutr Rev . 1994;52:173-175.
Kinsbourne M. Sugar and the hyperactive child. N Engl J Med . 1994;330:355-356.
Mardis AL. Current knowledge of the health effects of sugar intake. Family Economics and Nutrition Review . 2001;13: 87-91.
Wolraich ML, Lindgren SD, Stumbo PJ, et al. Effects of diets high in sucrose or aspartame on the behavior and cognitive performance of children. N Engl J Med. 1994;330:301-307.
Wolraich ML, Wilson DB, White JW. The effect of sugar on behavior or cognition in children. A meta-analysis. JAMA . 1995;274:1617-1621.

Periodically, people contact me with resources that they feel are helpful to those touched by ADHD.

Recently, I learned of the Challenge Software Program at http://www.cpschallenge.com. Its developer, Brad Chapin LCP, LMLP, tells me that the program was Beta-tested by over 750 parents and professionals around the world. He recently launched the site to the public.

This interactive internet-based application uses animated scenarios and games to engage children quickly and teach them the basics of Self-regulation (the central issue in ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Anger, Aggression, and
Emotional/Behavioral problems). Self-regulation is crucial for success throughout the life-span and is a skill that should be getting more attention throughout the educational
process.

The program also automatically generates Pre and Post outcome Data to show improvements.

They are also offering a free trial. Check it out at www.cpschallenge.com. If you try it, please post your experience here.

:: Disclaimer:: I have not used the program and cannot vouch for its effectiveness, but am sharing it with my readers as a point of interest and possible resource.

I was lamenting to a friend online about my daughter’s nighttime escapades and how nothing seems to work to get her calmed down enough to drop into bed, even with the medications she takes to slow her down.

Peggy and I have been friends for years, ever since we met at an ADDA conference. Every year, we and a mutual friend would meet up in various cities throughout the country to learn about ADD and enjoy each other’s company.

When she heard about my nightly fiasco with my daughter, she described how she, too has a difficult time settling down at night. She sent me this poem today, which I’d like to share with you.

Up and down the Stairs

By Peggy Clover
(Inspired by Mackenzie and me)

Up and down the stairs I run
In and out the doors
Looking for the things I lost
Trying to do my chores.

Not all is lost
Just out of place
But no matter
I am still a disgrace.
If only I could remember
To put things where they belong
That should be easy
Am I so wrong?

But first I have to find stuff
To give it its proper position
But as I wander thru the rooms
I forget I had a mission.

Sometimes I plop down
And just sit and play
Or doodle or make a mess
And have a happy day.

Then up I jump again
Jack in the Box that’s me
On a mission once again
To see what I might see.

I have no one to prod me on
Or say how things should be
Or tell me that I should grow up
Because now I am 63.

Up and down the stairs I run
In and out the doors
Looking for the things I lost
Trying to do my chores.