It became another family joke– me searching high and low for my sunglasses, while my youngest daughter is staring at me, her eyes dancing, just waiting for the right time to inform me that they are sitting on my head. Of course, she played it out like a pro, waiting till I had torn apart my car, checked all the kitchen drawers, and ran up and down the stairs, cursing like a madwoman. It wouldn’t have become a treasured family story had she told me right away when I’d asked her if she’d seen them. No…
They say that with age comes wisdom, and I think that may be true to some extent. Since being diagnosed with ADHD nearly 20 years ago, and having worked in the field for over 15, I’ve learned a few tricks over the years.
What I’ve learned, at least in my case, is that I don’t typically lose things. I misplace them. I think that’s in part, due to my anxiety of losing things, period. Some shrug off lost or misplaced things. I, on the other hand, tend to treat my possessions like children. I become hysterical if I don’t know where they are.
Therefore, I discovered long ago that if I’m holding something in my hands that is important to me and that will cause me panic and grief should I lose it, I become mindful of where I set it down. Let me share a tip that might help you when you risk losing something that’s important to you. I call it “The ADD Mantra.”
I live my life with mantras (noun: A commonly repeated word or phrase) to help me keep tabs of my things, where I need to be, etc. etc. Obviously, my mantra failed me that day I misplaced the sunglasses. But typically, this is how I generally am able to remember where I put things…
When I have something in my hands that needs to be put away (later, of course), and as I set it down in the land of nowhere, I start my internal dialogue. Now I happen to know a lot of people with ADD whose internal dialogues are not so internal; they tend to talk aloud. So do whatever works for you. In my case, I am a quiet sort, so my script typically goes like this:
“I’m walking into the kitchen (following a shopping excursion). The bag is in my hand. The bag is in my hand. If I put it THERE, I will forget where I put it. So I will instead put it on the stairs so that I can carry it up to my office after dinner. The bag is on the stairs. The bag is on the stairs. The bag is on the stairs.”
Now to some, this may sound rather obsessive compulsive and it may well be. But for me, it forces me to stay in the present and lays a visual, auditory and verbal pattern in my brain. Chances are, one of those three modalities will stick and when I later wonder where I put that bag, the answer is clear- it’s on the stairs.
Give it a try– the mantra trick just may help you next time you’re about to misplace your sunglasses or that shoe that often becomes orphaned the minute you kick it off.
What’s your trick for keeping tabs on your stuff? What works for you? Post your tips below!
I havent even finished reading this and I am laughing out loud…at work…because I can SOOO identify with the struggle. To this day, I still hear my mom ask “why cant you just put it away the first time? Why do you have to set it here, then there, then over there before putting it away?” Truth is, if my goal is not to put it way, then whatever goal is in my head at that moment comes first. My goal might be to have a piece of gum…not throw the gum wrapper away…yet. THANK you for your articles! Validation gets me through the rough days.
I most often misplace my reading glasses, often not finding them until I’ve sat upon them. Every few months I go to the Dollar tree and buy a dozen glasses chains in a variety of colors for $1 each. Generally unless I’m in the shower or sleeping, I wear my glasses. (Changing clothes can trick me up.) Recently I read about mindful mediation and can see the value in trying out mindful mantras.
I try to take a mental picture of the item in its location, and purposely “save” it in my memory. However, I find that this will tell me later that it is in a corner, for example, but not WHICH corner, because my mental photo doesn’t have any specific location markers, just a visual. So I have to go around and check ALL the corners. But it does help!
I am always amazed, Terry, by how close you come to hitting the nail on the head! Yes, I am guilty of talking to myself, but like you say, it’s more “talking to my brain” to drum it in there! something more than just a small visual, or an image of where was I! An ADD brain also has the amazing feature of being able to convince yourself that you DID put it on the counter, or that you know for sure that you Didn’t put it there (or substitute did/didn’t take meds, or did/didn’t remember to get your keys, etc.! So your brain, without a conscious action, like repeating a mantra, has NOTHING with which to incline itself toward the TRUTH of whether you did or didn’t do something! So, thank you very much for highlighting another tool we can use! Sarasal
Terry, after all these many years, I’ve never tried this before – great idea! I’ve successfully used the idea of an “always home,” until once recently. The home for my purse is always the table next to the door and the home for my keys is always in the purse. However, one morning rushing out to a class in the next town (required for work) my keys were not in their “always home.” After taking a taxi to the class, snagging a ride home, and getting my landlord to drive to my town and let me in, I finally found them tangled up in my bedspread. My keys NEVER enter the bedroom, so my method surely did not work! 🙂
If it’s REALLY important, I always tell one of my children, “Hey, mommy’s putting grandma’s birthday gift on the shelf in the closet, so when I ask you in 2 months you can remind me, kay?” They’re like living, breathing sticky notes.
Great tips and fun to read. I can definitely relate.