I Can See Clearly Now…
Last week, I had a cataract removed and a lens implanted in my right eye. I’ve worn glasses since I was ten and contacts from age 16 on.
I was in twilight sedation during the procedure, meaning, I could hear the surgeon talk to his techs about Bruce Springsteen and me, quipping about James Taylor and The Beatles, but nothing much after that.
If only life could be that easy, sometimes: you know to some degree what is going on but you don’t feel the pain.
When I left the surgical center, as bad as that eye was before, it was now worse. Everything was blurry. How would I manage with one eye? I couldn’t insert a contact, and my glasses with one lens popped out didn’t work for me.
I got scared. Really scared. What would life be with one eye?
As the hours unfolded, some distance sight returned. Barely. I began feeling optimistic that I may make a full recovery. And that life would change. For the better. Better eyesight. No more contacts and glasses that never fully improved my vision. No more cloudy cataracts.
It made me think of when I was first diagnosed with ADHD, some 25 years ago. I was so frightened. What if my poor memory, distractibility, and disorganization was from a brain tumor? What if I had early onset dementia? What if I’d been misdiagnosed? Even though my whole life was a pile of this or that, I still wasn’t sure. Unfinished projects. Not remembering the milk. You know the score.
What if. What if.
Once I got the diagnosis, I was in denial and went to three other clinicians for second- no- third- no four opinions all together. 3 of 4 said- yes- you have ADHD. One- a newly minted psychologist, was unsure but didn’t rule it out.
My emotions ran all over the place. From disbelief (for a long time) to gradual acceptance, to embracing the new diagnosis and finally, to celebrating it, to some extent, by wanting to share my understanding- and later, expertise- with others.
My brain has to work extra hard and sometimes it shuts down, just like my bad eyesight has affected me all these years. I was frustrated by my ADHD, angry, and even embarrassed at times by my inability to do what others could do so easily.
With my ADHD diagnosis and treatment, I was able to fly. No, it didn’t make life perfect. I still struggle in many ways: remembering names, keeping up with laundry, making decisions, embarrassing myself with memory related issues (‘Oh, nice to meet you, Sarah! Er…tell me your name, again?”).
Like the removal of cataracts, getting treatment for your ADHD can open up your world. Maybe you waited until your 40s, 50s or longer, to get evaluated and treated. Maybe you’re thinking you might have ADHD but have, for whatever reason, not moved forward in getting evaluated. Maybe you’ve been diagnosed but haven’t figured out how to best help you with your journey towards treatment, support, and yes, acceptance.
Don’t wait. Life is short. Life is precious. You deserve to have the best life you can live.
Go get your ADHD “cataracts” removed and find the joy that is waiting for you. For me- with my eyes- and my ADHD diagnosis- it was on the other side of the operating table and the psychologist’s desk.
I can see clearly, now. You can, too.
Have you been diagnosed with ADHD? Tell me your story. Putting it off? Tell me why; maybe I can help. Please post your thoughts in the comment section below.
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This was a perfect quick morning read. As an ADHDer, I often need MANY reminders including the fact that I am still in chaos and I need to continuously refocus myself to try to drive some semblance of order that allows for stress removal and – like you above – TO FLY. Thank you for writing and sharing. Hugs.
Tam- thank you for your thoughts and your kind words. Yes, we need lots of reminder, for sure and chaos may always travel with us in some way or another, but we can still fly. I’m glad you found this helpful- sounds like you are on your way! Fly, girl, fly! Hugs back! – Terry
My 27 year-old son was diagnosed at 3 with ADHD and when they said it can ruin in families I was always quick to say, fully believing, “it’s from his dad.” In the past decade, it’s been recited to me over and over but others, including counselors, “it’s because you’ve got ADHD.” I’ve been reading materials on adult ADHD and mentioned it to my doctor the past 2 years, but he says, “it’s very difficult to diagnose in adults.” And left it at that. I started taking to our family counselor about how to get help (I’m disorganized and frustrated with myself for forgetting so many things in route to finishing them, leaving then undone, as well as other things. I turn 50 this month and I feel like the behaviors are getting worse and concerned with my quality of life. Thing is, I feel stuck every time I’ve looked for a place to go for real help. I don’t know if I need a referral (which my doctor won’t give) and even without a referral, I don’t even know who would help- not every doctor in my son’s journey had been supportive and even overdosed him, so who can I trust? It’s tough to know how to get help. I don’t think I’m the only one in this boat. Thank you for letting me share.
Shiloh, thanks for your comment. I feel your frustrations.
First, as we women get older, ADHD symptoms often worsen due to changes in hormones- check out my blog posts and articles (menu at the top of the page).
But you first need to find someone who can evaluate you- someone who understands adult ADHD. If you are in the USA, you do not need to get a referral, unless it has something to do with your insurance, which I doubt. I would not try to work with your family physician- he/she obviously doesn’t know much about adult ADHD. Perhaps you can go back to the counselors who are suggesting you have ADHD and ask them for names of clinicians who could evaluate you. It’s imperative that they have a good understanding of ADHD.
There are a few online ADHD directories you can check out for names in your area: chadd.org, add.org, additudmag.com and…I am about to launch my own online ADHD directory. But if you can’t wait, please go to one of the above. You can also see if there is a CHADD chapter in your area (they are listed at chadd.org) and you could call the coordinator and ask for names of clinicians.
I’m sorry it’s been such a long, hard road- it shouldn’t be- but hopefully these suggestions will help. Let me know!
– Terry
I could really relate to this since I had my cataracts in BOTH eyes removed in 2019. I didn’t know I had ADD til my daughter was diagnosed with it around 20 years ago with a SPECT Scan. I was looking for books in the bookstore on ADD to help her when Sari Soldens book subtitle to her Women with Attention Deficit Disorder jumped out at me: Coming out of the Messy Closet. Well, that whole book is me. Getting good grades in school, and never being able to get on top of my housework was and still is me. I was never formally tested for it but my psychiatrist at the time in CA had me try Ritalin, Strattera and maybe a 3rd one; I couldn’t tell any difference so I stopped taking them. But now here I am in NC, and I tried locally to get tested, but I didn’t go thru with it cause the interviewer said I’d have to have had it in childhood in order to get the diagnoses. You said that maybe you can help. I’m 68 now and have heard that the latest cutting edge doctors say maybe one can acquire it as an adult. Medicare pays for telemedicine; my question for you is do you know of such a doctor who does telemedicine and takes Medicare? Thank you very much.
Hi Sherrie,
Sari’s book changed my life. In a nutshell, it was her book and her work (she is not far from me and she has mentored me over the years) that made me want to get into this field. I’m glad you read it! As for getting help, it would be best to email me at terry@ADDconsults.com so we can go from there.
Thanks for your note!
Terry
Terry, this is such an excellent description and comparison. Oh my, that is exactly what it was like for me, way back then! What you say is so true, and everyone NEEDS to seek a diagnosis and treatment. Beginning the education process of how one’s brain works, finding the strategies that help so much and medical treatment go SO far at improving one’s life!
MK! It’s always a treat to hear from you! Thanks, as always, for your support and sweet comments.
YES!! We need to get people out there for evaluations and treatment. As you well know, as a professional yourself, so many women are misdiagnosed and therefore, never get the appropriate treatment. I don’t know what my life would have been like had I not discovered what was causing my problems and behaviors. I mean…everyone else seemed to get dinner on the table by 6. And remember to put the wet clothes from the washer to the dryer. And get bills paid on time. And not feel so overwhelmed all the time.
And shall we discuss PILES?
You get it, for sure and I’m so glad we’re on the same page. xoxo
I can relate to EVERYTHING you said. I have developed epilepsy due to one of my diagnosis Severe Anxiety Disorder and the lack of any medical staff to be willing to put me back on Xanax, which worked for me. Also, I raised 4 sons with A.D.H.D, they had to get it somewhere, right? But all I get from these damn N.P. since poor people never see residents or to be precise, M.D,’s!! is a diagnosis of Bipolar 1. Does anyone else get so frustrated they just cry or in frustration throw something at the wall, I get this way with my partner of many years who is going through dementia and without my OWN Mental Health Care I have so much frustration, he has left me then just come back in a couple days when he realizes he cannot make it on his own. But like last night after he mopped the kitchen floor, I almost fainted but kept my mouth shut. My mistake was I made a comment about this bucket I had bought which turns and squeezes the mop. I was trying to see if it still worked, because I had bought a Swiffer Kit and I asked him why he didn’t use that. Lot less trouble and he gets angry and says I don’t appreciate anything he does………well he is usually sitting on his ass in front of his computer all day and he is making money for being MY CAREGIVER!! Am I expecting too much? Thank you, ADMIN, for your posts and information, sorry for the book. I am undiagnosed please give me a little leeway, knowing this.
Teri-
I feel for you!
My hope is that you don’t give up in finding someone who will evaluate you and help you find the support that you need. Thanks for sharing your story.
I can always relate to everything you write Terri and also to the people above. It is extremely hard for me to find anyone in my area who knows what they are doing in this area ( even medically)and who cares, or who doesn’t judge you and put you down when seeking help. There is someone about 2 1/2 hrs from here but it is really difficult to do this.
I’ll be waiting for your list. I can also relate to Cataract Surgery although I was unable to get the near vision for reading fixed as I have another problem in my eyes that the Ophthalmologist said might make my eyes worse if I did this, but the overall is a big improvement I agree. I wish I could get accurate help without judgement.