1. You paint all your walls white because you can’t decide on a color scheme.
2. Your family’s favorite restaurant is the local hospital cafeteria because everyone can pick out what they want.
3. You buy 30 pairs of underwear because otherwise, you know you’ll run out of clean ones. And you still do.
4. Your wardrobe is all black and white so you don’t have to figure out what outfits go together.
5. You’ve learned the fine art of nodding while smiling because you can’t follow conversations at parties.
6. You freak when you’re introduced to someone with a double name, like Mary Ann, Ann Marie, etc. because you
will never remember which part of the name comes first.
7. You’ve lived in your neighborhood for over 10 years and still don’t know your neighbors’ names.
8. You’re afraid to get a cat because you’re worried he’ll starve to death.
9. Your gray roots are usually showing.
10. There are at least 5 bottles of ketchup in your pantry, but you keep thinking you’re running out and return with yet
another bottle from the market.
11. You order pizza more than once a week.
12. You can remember your 5th grade teacher’s name, but not your child’s.
13. There are permanent dents on your fingertips from spending too many hours on the internet.
14. You find your watch in the freezer.
15. You have nightmares about forgetting to pick up your 4 year old from nursery school.
16. You HAVE forgotten to pick up your 4 year old from nursery school.
17. The definition of a scavenger hunt is looking for your wallet in your purse.
18. You realize the milk has gone bad when you walk in the house and wonder who threw up.
19. You open up a new checking account every 12 months because you’ve given up trying to balance your account.
20. You find out you have three copies of The Dummy’s Guide to Organizing.
21. The back of your hands are purple from all the reminders you’ve written on them.
22. You own stock in Post-Its.
23. You own an iPod, cell phone, laptop, digital camera but can’t find their chargers.
24. You are unable to fold sheets.
25. You don’t pay your bills even when you have money in the bank to cover your checks.
26. Your handwriting is worse than your toddler’s scribbles.
27. You’ve forgotten to use a colander when draining the spaghetti in the sink.
28. Getting your eyes checked is a nightmare because you never know if “1” looks better than “2.”
29. You call your daughter by your sister’s name. Her entire life.
30. You’ve gotten a car wash twice in five years.
© Terry Matlen, ACSW all rights reserved