I’m often asked what one can do to get un-stuck and to get motivated. There are hundreds of books out on motivation and procrastination and I’m sure there are hundreds of great tips and suggestions, as well. But I think we sometimes forget to dig a bit deeper and really ask ourselves what is holding us back, why and what we can do about it.
Obviously, having ADHD means the problems above are typically part of your every day struggles. Those symptoms are hallmarks of having ADHD. We can discuss the way our brain works to pick up some clues, but today, I’d like to take a different approach.
When something is stopping you dead in your tracks, whether it’s a pile of papers sitting on your desk needing to be filed, bills needing to be paid, laundry to be washed, yards needing to be weeded, ask yourself this:
- What is preventing me from jumping in and doing these things?
- Why am I avoiding these tasks/chores?
- What can I do to move forward?
Here are some common reasons why people with ADHD get stuck in Procrastinator’s Hell:
- Feeling overwhelmed: the piles look 20 feet high.
- Not knowing where to start.
- Not having the proper tools/equipment to get the job done.
- Fear of getting things done; fear of not getting things done.
- Lack of time (often, perceived time).
What can you do?
I’m a big proponent of using mind games. We all know the normal tricks for getting things done when you have ADHD:
– Using your planner and writing in your chores
– Using a timer to keep you on track
– Rewarding yourself for any and all successes
But what about mind games? Actually, they aren’t mind games; they’re simply a new way of looking at your problems and getting through them. Here’s a few:
Looking back at my list of WHAT, WHY and WHAT CAN BE DONE, analyze them all carefully:
- Identify what the problem is (no clean clothes)
- Ask yourself why that is a problem (avoided doing laundry because too tired, too busy, too boring and often, over-estimating the time needed to accomplish it)
- Decide what you can do about it (put clean clothes away to free up baskets for dirty laundry- yes, I know you keep clean clothes in those baskets!)
And here’s where the mind games come in:
You can choose not to do the laundry and wear dirty clothes. You can choose to not pay bills and pay finance fees. You can choose to leave dirty dishes out on the counter and feel disgusted with yourself every morning that you have to face the mess.
If you’ve read about ADHD, you have lots of tools in your toolbox on how to manage the problems above. But yet, there’s still something missing, and that’s the internal dialogue:
If I CHOOSE to leave the mess, the piles, the bills, HOW does that make me feel? What are the consequences of this?
If I CHOOSE to take action and get these things done, HOW will that make me feel?
You can choose how you wish to feel.
If you’ve made the choice to take action, you can then grab the tools you know you’ll need: make sure you set aside time for the chore, find ways to make it as pain free as possible, etc. Lots of these ideas and tips are in my book, “Survival Tips for Women with ADHD.”
Now that you’ve made the decision to feel GOOD instead of BAD, join me online at my ADD Action Team, where we work together as teammates to get things DONE. This month, we’re working on de-cluttering the yard, tool shed, basement and storage areas and your car. But you’re free to choose whatever project is making YOU unhappy about yourself.
Are you ready to move forward? Or not?
Join me today at the ADD Action Team and we will work together to get you out of your rut. And maybe your mood will begin to soar!
Hi Ter! One thing I do is ask myself, “What is the FIRST STEP in this task? What is the first (one) thing that needs to be done?” Often if I answer that, and plan to do just that one step, I get the focus/energy needed to go on and do the next step(s) too.
Good point, Deb! I like that!
That is also the key for me. Getting started. I have some kind of fear that keeps me from doing the things that are crucial to my life. There are usually big fat consequences I am perfectly happy to stick my head in the sand and wait for the shoe to drop. If I can just get to the first step the hyper focus kicks in and my super powers engage. For example, my taxes were sitting on my desk since January. Yesterday, I sat down and presto chango done with a small refund I might add. It took me 1 hour:) All that fretting and worrying.
Thanks for the thoughts and suggestions. I procrastinate because I JUST DON”T FEEL LIKE DOING IT, and I am a very low-energy person. Hopefully it will help to consider the consequences of how it will feel to not do something, but I’m afraid that it won’t make a big difference most of the time. Any other suggestions? Is this a reflection of how I feel about myself? (if I don’t care..)
I really like your comments about choosing.
In addition, I also tell my clients that if they consciously choose to not do something, can they live with how they will feel later when they don’t do it? If you can truly live with the consequences (no guilt, no self punishing, no shame), maybe it wasn’t necessary to get it done with the immediacy you thought.
Also, If you don’t get it done, what were you prioritizing instead? Not doing something can be a legitimate choice because you may have valued rest, another activity which took priority, spending time with family, or self-care (eg. exercise). In this case, you have too many things on your to-do list and you need to consider doing less and letting go of perfectionism.
I really do like what Terry had to say about choice.
I personally tell my clients they are free to choose what they do/don’t want to do. You do, however, need to ask yourself if you are willing to live with the consequences (of not getting this something done and being without guilt, shame, sense of failure, regret, or negative self talk). It is a legitimate choice to not want to do something because you don’t feel like it. If you consciously choose to not do something, own the choice and the fact that you made the decision and live with it.
I also ask my clients to to think about what they are valuing in the moment that is more important than getting that something done. Were you valuing time with family, exercise, self-care, another activity that held priority, or, in your case, recharging so you could engage fully in an activity that you would be involved in later? In this case, you need to know that saying “no” is healthy, legitimate, necessary, protective, and wise.
This post really hit home for me. For YEARS I have been made to feel badly about myself because of my procrastination, my inability to “just start a project” or know how to get things done like everyone else. I appreciate these tips!