January was an incredibly busy month for me and I promised myself that as soon as things calmed down, I’d de-clutter my home office and a storage area that I hadn’t laid eyes on in twenty years {shudder}.
That day came and I began to go through boxes. And boxes. And more boxes. I was determined to get rid of as much stuff as possible, longing for that Zen feeling of peacefulness. A clean slate. A lightness.
Tons of cancelled checks were tossed. Old receipts got cleared out. Duplicate photos were thrown away. But then I saw it. The little pink diary I’d gotten when I was 8 years old. I couldn’t help but sit and spend the 10 minutes it took to read through it. Notes about a doll I’d gotten for my birthday, a beloved cousin moving far away, being mad at a brother. And it went downhill from there. I’d kept a diary for over 10 years, though most of the entries were very brief. But very revealing. My throat tightened as I read about refusing to go to school. Feeling sick at school. Begging to come home from school. I had a whopping case of school phobia but had forgotten how much I’d written about the daily agony of having to deal with my fears. My notes during 6th grade showed how I’d lost my popularity in 24 hours after my family moved to a different town.
And then, there it was, October 26: “Daddy died of a heart attack.” Nothing more, nothing less. I was 10 years old.
My zealousness in de-cluttering made a complete U-turn as I re-lived the sadness of my youth. The awkwardness. The fears and anxieties. The not fitting in. The losses- too many in a short period of time.
When I talk about de-cluttering in webinars or in the Queens of Distraction, I think about things. We share an enthusiasm to just roll up our sleeves and get rid of stuff. But I think we need to take into account the emotional upheaval this can bring to our awareness- memories that lay dormant until we pull out the big black Hefty bag. If we throw out all the “stuff”, do we also remove our memories? Does it bring relief? Or does it bring anger and sadness?
I’m still processing this whole thing, amongst bags and boxes waiting to be explored.
What about you? Do you feel great, ditching old stuff from your past? Or do you screech to a halt, wondering who that person was back then? Do you hang on to her? Let her go? Is she ever really gone?
Share your thoughts in the comment section below- I’d love to hear your emotional experiences with de-cluttering.
Now that I’ve lived through the experience of having a parent with Alzheimer’s, the cognitive artifacts that revive memories seem to take on more power. I can easilly imagine my future self losing those same memories. It becomes an urgent matter, to keep them alive, no matter what.
When it comes to my daughter’s art, her writing, favorite books and toys, items of clothing we loved to see her in, these things are integral to my memories, and I feel a deep need to preserve them. I grieve all along the way for the person she “used to be”, for lack of a better phrase: the infant, the toddler, the young child. She is always becoming more, a more fully developed version of the great person she is.
I focus my winnowing on the things that really don’t matter to me, long or short term: my own clothing, my own unused and disused paraphenalia–in general, those things which really don’t mean much to us.
So, for example, if I have a drawing from the 3rd grade, or if I find a tiny handwritten note–which I do, from time to time–in which my little girl, years ago, expressed a simple feeling about someone or something in her life, there is no way I am going to pitch it, or scan it or copy it and then pitch it, because I need to hold it, and keep it, as long as I can.
My too few de-cluttering experiences too-often resemble the one you’re in midst of.. complete with the sadness (even the same loss, same reason, same age range).
Despite my attempts to constantly remind myself to focus on greater impact macro-sorts and save putzy micro-sorting like photos and known times-gone-by melancholy or regret triggers, I always seem to find my best intentions surpressed by “if only land”. The day is gone, I’m exhausted, a bigger mess surrounds me and there is only one thing I know for certain… ADD/ADHD has been with my first days. Hindsight is SO clear that has and does remain my biggest life challenge. If only I would have had awareness to form better coping skills before age 42? Where would I be instead at my 51 years young?
I thought I was reading my life story. I’m 50 now, but, six years ago I took over the home that my parents purchased in 1967. Meaning, I grew up here. And my mother was also a “keeper of all things necessary and unnecessary”. The attic, which used to function as a spare bedroom with my office when I first moved back, is now unusable with stuff from my parents (who are deceased), my son (who is away at college) and myself. I only venture up there when I really need something. Needed a blank envelope two days ago and started staring at stuff and rested my eyes upon my appointment book from 1989. I began to go through it to see what kind of things I was doing shortly after graduation. Meetings at the office and then dates and pageants and DMV appointments. Then my eyes rested on the box of letters from my son’s elementary school regarding his own ADHD. The report cards, the psychological reports. I was drawn to them all and must have sat there for over an hour. This just to get an envelope. Of course I was late for my dental appointment….
Btw, I’m reading a book entitled, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo. The author suggests starting to clear up clutter with clothing first. All of one’s clothing. Dump everything and go through it in one swoop. Her reasoning for starting with clothing first is that there are fewer emotional attachments to clothing than to paper, pictures, journals and the like. Makes sense. Although I’ve yet to get around to any of it, except trying out her folding method for 3 shirts and a skirt.
Just last week I burst into tears when I took my mother’s silver to an auction house. That act brought back memories of polishing that silver every Thanksgiving and enjoying close times with Mom as we fixed special holiday dinners. The tears didn’t stop me because I choose to live only with things I love or use. I didn’t love the silver, though I did love the memories. And, I wouldn’t use it since I hate polishing silver. Instead I took a few serving pieces that I will use to hold those special memories in place.
I’ve worked with ADHD clients since 1998 first as a hands-on professional organizer, then added feng shui, and finally added ADHD coaching. In all my years of helping people clear clutter I learned that emotions can derail the best of intentions to clear clutter. When feelings come up most people shut down. They quite naturally want to avoid unpleasant feelings associated with their past. That’s why I recommend that clients save dealing with memorabilia for after they have done all the rest of their clutter clearing, first clearing things with less emotional impact on them. Feng shui teaches that everything is alive with energy. The energies of items from the past hold the past in place. If an item reminds you of a school struggle or failure, it is holding struggle and failure in place in your present life. Energies tend to attract more of the same. Struggle and failure energies will attract more struggle and failure. If you want to be fully present in a fulfilling, happy life, it’s a good idea to let go of anything from the past holds of negative energies.
Decluttering is very emotional for me. I’m 43 and I’ve inherited a lot of crystal, a tea set, and furniture from my grandmother. My mother passed away 6 years ago and I have received correspondence, etc.
I’ve got school projects from that third university program in the dream program that completely overwhelmed me.
Even purging banking records brought back so many memories — our wedding, fertility treatments, travel to see family, the year my mom had cancer and then passed away. And always, financial mismanagement and disorganization.