We Have a Puppy. I Have ADHD. What is Wrong with Me?
Last week, we added a standard poodle puppy to our family. Sounds ok, right? But wait, our family has changed quite a bit over the last few years. My oldest daughter moved out ages ago- yes- and she and her husband became parents. We added a wonderful grandson to our family.
Two years ago, my youngest left home and is now in her own apartment.
For the first time in 36 years, my house is quiet.
I crave quiet.
As a woman with inattentive ADHD who is super hypersensitive to noise and any kind of commotion, including the sound of the gentle whoosh of the dishwasher, I must question my sanity.
I’m a dog lover. I grew up with dogs. Our family- my husband and two kids- always had a dog and ten years ago, we had duet dogs: for some reason, one dog wasn’t enough. We added a Cockapoo.
Of the 4 dogs we’ve had over the years, ½ of them were completely out of control during their puppy phase. One ate holes in our walls and dined on the furniture. The other played superman, flying over our bushes and nipping at the kids’ heels until they learned to walk through a room via hopping on chairs. This is true.
In December, we had to put down our beloved Harper, another Matlen dog casualty to an awful, awful disease. Our hearts were broken. We still had/have Elliott, a slug of a dog who makes my inattentive status look like a wild woman.
So we did what all people with inattentive ADHD do when their house is finally quiet: we brought home a puppy.
Toolie is smart, as most poodles tend to be. He learned to shake hands after only being prompted three times. He sits handsomely for us. He is starting to pee on command in the backyard. However, he also pees NOT on command. On the kitchen floor.
Before I bore you with what life is like with a puppy, let me move on to why I’m even writing about this.
Those of us with ADHD– even those like me who are inattentive- are not always inattentive at all. Like when you get a puppy and need to pay attention 100% of the time so you’re not wiping up mini-floods all day.
Generally, in working with women with ADHD and knowing how my own inattentive ADHD brain operates (for the most part, but clearly not a week ago), a consistent message unfolds that tells me that we have some impulsivity in us at times. We may call that our creativity. Or our curiosity about things. Well, I think it’s more than that- I think many of us can simply be impulsive.
I certainly was when I told my husband how I missed having a 2nd dog in the house. We thought of getting another “Elliott” dog- a Cockapoo- because he is soooo easy to have. He literally can lay on his bed 23 hours a day. He is not emotionally needy. He is sweet. So why not? Cockapoos are small dogs, generally around 20 pounds or so. Let’s do it, we said!
Instead, we brought home Toolie who is expected to top out at close to 60 pounds. We really did not think this thing through very well.
Back to my point, which as you know, can be tough for us to do.
Yes, yes, I’ve seen all those squirrel cartoons. But this is real life.
What I’ve learned is I can work around my ADHD in raising a puppy. I have to. It’s not been easy because you are obliged to remember to feed him three times a day. And to let him out every 20 minutes. And teach him commands. And brush him. And so much more. Scheduling every minute of my day sure doesn’t come natural to me. It’s like having a baby- you put your life on hold to make sure all is well with your little one.
The other day, we brought in a dog trainer to help us with the basics. For 90 minutes, we learned to teach him to stay, to lay down, to stop eating his leash, to pay attention to us (haaa), to heel, to stay in his crate, and about 100 other things.
Guess what? I can only remember about three things. Thankfully, he said I could email or text him any time. Yes, I did video some of the exercises. No, I forgot to start taping him when he arrived. Yes, I WILL email him. A lot.
Alas, I won’t be handing in my inattentive ADHD card, since I am keeping up with this furry guy as best I can, but it sure hasn’t been easy. (hold on- gotta clean up that puddle).
Questions:
- Did you ever have a puppy? How did you survive?
- What have you done that you thought would be totally impossible due to your ADHD? Was it hard? Easy?
- What is your pet’s name?
Share your answers/comments in the section below.
Like This Article?
Read more at my blog and feel free to forward this to others. Did someone forward this to you? Sign up for your own HERE.
Terry’s Top Picks
Sari Solden, one of my favorite ADHD experts and my own personal mentor, was recently interviewed by my sweet friend/colleague, Linda Roggli of ADDiva.net for ADDA. So much wisdom here, you’ll cry: A Mid-Summer’s Night Conversation with Sari Solden.
While you’re there, please consider joining this wonderful organization (or go to www.ADD.org).
Terry Recommends
Stay organized! Prioritize. 6 sizes multicolored, various designs post-its. Portable. Reusable. Fun.
Check it out HERE.
Struggling to tackle paper piles, toy piles, projects and more?
Then join me and your fellow Queens of Distraction online in a private, secret room where we Get Things Done. We “get” it and are here to help you.
EXCLUSIVE! LOOKING FOR ONE-ON-ONE HELP WITH ME?
ZOOM CONSULTATIONS!
Feeling stuck? Need to get your life back in order? I can help!
Let’s work together to help you get back on track (or get started on your journey!).I provide short-term sessions offering psycho-educational information, resources, support, and mini-coaching to help you get started- whether you’re looking to find someone to evaluate you or if you’ve been struggling your whole life and are ready to get unstuck, I can help.
I get it. Because I have ADHD, too, and over 25 years of experience working with adults with ADHD.
Learn more and set up an appointment here
(I have a limited number of slots available; if you don’t see a time that works for you, email me at terry@ADDconsults.com).
*Disclosure: If you buy any products above via my affiliate links, I may get enough money to buy a few candy bars and popcorn (but not enough for a pony)!
I had rescue dogs – not puppies. But you still have to pay attention all of the time. I trained them, loved them, had to remember to come home to feed them, let them out. I think having a dog is a great idea for those of us with ADD. Good read.
Kim, thanks for your input. And thank you for rescuing our beloved dogs that need homes. Remembering all of these things can be a challenge, for sure, but I’m getting there!
This is a great article, one of those ‘secret feelings’ times for me when I was frustrated, overwhelmed and ashamed. My puppy Magic was 8 weeks old when I brought him home. I never had a puppy before, in fact my first dog was given to me after I was 50. Bubba was 1 year old, knew everything, was cuddly and very chill. Sadly he passed away 6 years ago.
I was finally ready to bring another bichon into my life. Magic was not cuddly, he was bouncy, wiggly and loved to bite my toes and clothes. He refused to be held or be on my lap. He was friendly and smart, loved all dogs, and chased them in his puppy classes. Hmmm, sound relatable?
At 5 months I was in tears, there was no quiet time, he wanted lots of attention, and piddled in the house. I secretly thought I had made a mistake and since everyone else loved him so much, maybe they should have him.
Magic is now 2 years old, the sweetest, funniest little boy who has his schedule of long naps in the morning, long naps in the afternoon and bedtime at 8. He is a great tease, adept at catching toys in the air like an athlete, and stays by me wherever I am. Maybe he and I are the same? Love and Joy to all.
Leslie,
What a great story and what a great learning experience- that if we can be patient and hang in there, there are often rewards for doing so. I’m sorry you lost your Bubba, but am glad you have Magic. I think he was aptly named. 🙂
I’m inattentive type also and many years working with dogs in Rescue Shelters(walking them,) Fostered over 55, with medical problems(fractured legs, post surgery and other traumas), puppies that need to be bottle fed every 2-3 hrs) in addition to my own
dogs. I have questioned my own sanity at times. It is a lot of work. I pet sit for a friend’s Pit Bull that was born with a disability similar to Cerebral Palsy in adults. The sweetest thing ever but takes a lot of care and is heavy. I finished a course last year in Canine Training and Behavioral Specialist to learn to help dogs with these problems in Shelters.
I can relate to your situation as I have three rescues of my own currently. The Vet bills can get out of hand and as I took in a 12 year old toy poodle with serious behavioral issues that was dumped in Shelter for one of many “irresponsible” reasons, very unadoptable, and would have had to spend the rest of her life in shelter or risk being put down. Dogs do take a lot of work and can be very frustrating which is why they can’t be an impulse decision, they need to be “forever” dogs in a home and the love they give you will be 10 fold. There are statistics out there that show they can bring up Dopamine, all good things for people like us. They can be trying as I’ve repaired many things through the years. I’m also restricted with travel as Dog care costs so much in my area. I take them with me when I can. Usually, when they chew or destroy things is because they are bored, frustrated or have separation anxiety. These are all training and behavior issues. It’s never “bad dog”, it’s usually a human problem. They want to
understand what’s required of them, you just need to learn to communicate and be consistent all the time. Mine probably get frustrated with me as dogs like scheduled times and a routine and I’m not always very good with that. Hang in there it will worth it, puppy hood is like adolescence in children and in some breeds last up to two years. Be patient. A lot of people give up, and think of dogs as disposable property instead of a “living, feeling being with emotions that just wants to love someone, this is why there are so many dogs in shelters. I would be happy to answer questions also but am not as experienced as your trainer as I’m still learning, I’ve been stopped due to the Corona virus restrictions.
Becky,
Thanks for your rich and helpful post and…for all you do for these dogs. You are amazing!
It IS a lot of work and with ADHD, it can be hard to be consistent and remember all the things we need to do to be good pet owners. It has been a trial for me to do these things but..I know it’ll all pay off in the end.
Toolie is learning quickly and once we get the house breaking part down, it’ll be so much easier.
Thanks for the topic Terry. Daily challenges of puppies and how those of us with ADHD survive led to seeing more about the effect my ADHD has on my gentle, easygoing, stable husband.
Did you ever have a puppy? Yes. Puppies, dogs were important part of my childhood.
How did you survive? Then? Mom did the work.
As an adult with undiagnosed ADHD I had no idea what life would be like when my husband and I decided to bring 2 puppies into our life. It took a fair amount of time. Survival was commitment, taking good care of them. They were family. Puppy proofing. House training. Obedience classes. Feeding, grooming. Exercise. Play time. Male and female littermates. A dominant female. Something about her felt like “trouble”. The male matured, the female did not. She was a charmer AND difficult, unmanageable. Her impulsivity and “whatever you call it” caused her death. A tough loss for all. To be honest, life was calmer, peaceful, easier without her. Our “boy’s” death was devastating. A loss we mourned for a very long time.
Today we have one dog, male. As a pup he chewed up jewelry, books, brushes, Oaxacan sculpture, etc. He was hyperactive. Puppy teeth like needles. He didn’t like to cuddle but cried when we’d leave. I hated to go home. When I’d complain to the friend who encouraged us to adopt him she’d say wait until he’s a year old. When he turned 1 she’d say wait until he’s two. We waited. Nine years later, as an adult dog he eats anything “foodlike”. We do our best to keep food in places he can’t reach. He’s as sweet as he’s stubborn. Cuddles when he’s in the mood.
Survival is getting thru a day.
After writing this I have to admit that survival is a “we” thing I do with my husband.
Y
What have you done that you thought would be totally impossible due to your ADHD? Was it hard? Easy?
I was diagnosed in my late 40’s. Had mixed feelings. Explained some things and confirmed some fears, limitations. It was an excuse until I found something I really wanted to do which was travel abroad, on my own. To enjoy the process. It was challenging to begin the planning but the passion made it easy.
What is your pet’s name?
Darra,
Thanks for taking the time to write out such a thoughtful and honest comment. You hung in there with two difficult dogs/puppies and you learned a lot about yourself and your relationship with your husband from the experiences. Thank you for sharing it with the rest of us!
We just got a puppy too! I find that needing to take her out every 20-30 mins is actually really good for me. Gets me off my phone and outside. A chance to check in with my body as well.
Unfortunately her favorite places to poop are on the downstairs neighbor’s awning and the church steps! But still better than inside the apartment, IMO.
I have definitely felt overwhelmed at times and questioning this decision, mostly when she has wet the bed two nights in a row and we have no more bedclothes! It’s like having a baby again.
My daughter really loves her though, and she is super cute. It’s nice to see my daughter (7) take responsibility as well.
Where we live in Mexico is very dog-friendly so I can take her into many stores and cafes. She is also allowed to be off-leash outdoors, which makes things easier.
The hardest part is losing sleep. I am already not a restful sleeper and I am very excited for her to be able to get thru the night without having to go potty. She can hold it if she’s crated, but I feel bad keeping her in there all night, and she is such a good snuggler.
Hi Kelly,
I sure do understand the lack of sleep part! It’s hard!
I liked how you re-framed the difficulties- letting your pup out frequently, etc., in that it helps you with your ADHD related tendencies. Nice!
It IS like having a baby again and we need to remember that those tough times, though they seem to last forever, really don’t last all that long, y’know?
Enjoy your pup!