How many times have you heard this one:
“You’re thinking too much.”
Personally, I hate when I’m told that. Is it true that some people think more than others? Of course not. But some of us ruminate, worry, over-analyze or simply are more sensitive than others. I see this a lot with people with ADHD and frankly, I can be described as being that type of thinker as well. I’d much rather call this an ability to think intuitively and deeply. We seem to be able to feel, think and see all the different angles of things. And sometimes yes, to the point of distress.
But to tell someone that they think “too much” is to me, a form of criticism. And we know that many people with ADHD are super sensitive already to criticism, partly because we’ve had way too much of that our whole lives, and partly because, we’re….wired differently, making us super aware in certain ways while super unaware in other ways. But most of us seem to carry the gene of being able to sniff out criticism in seemingly innocent remarks and body language.
I have heard that I over think things. And, I am so tired of people laughing at me and thinking I am stupid. I have not seen a specialist yet. I just started a new job, but……I will seek help as soon as my insurance goes into affect.
Yes, this is one thing I hear constantly. Or that I analyze everything. It is not super upsetting. I do think a lot and I like to share those thoughts. I’m reflective, interested, make quick connections, love to share my stories, and go back to clarify often. The problem is people are not big fans of this and I don’t know how to not think so much. Those two factors drive a lot of people away. I don’t play games and hate sexual politics. I am not a lier or fake, and yet I’m guarded. This is an issue and I am trying to work on it. I’m not afraid, but I am afraid my partner will never want me again. First is was a break and now we are in the zone. I hate the friend zone. The over thinking is an issue with us, and drudging up things we discussed is another part of that problem. But what am I to do about it? That’s what I want to know. Do I need to learn to let go? Hmmm, how does that work? I don’t have an appointment paperwork memory, but I do have a keen personal life memory. So how do I release things we already went over? I just don’t know?
I have heard variations of this several times in the last 30 years.
It wasn’t those exact words (ok, one time it was). Usually the boss or person talking to me didn’t know exactly how to describe it. They knew I worked hard, but there were a few times and tasks where I would drive myself nuts trying to resolve a problem.
In other words, when they said “you think too much” it really means; “you take to long”. Unfortunately two times after I heard that I lost my job within six months. In both cases I had been employed for 13 years. So I must have been doing something very right too.
It’s not hard to find online tests these days for ADD. Over and over I find myself low or borderline on the ADD scale. But those tests never ask….”Do you think too much?” “Do you over-analyze?” I would have to answer a big YES to that one. Is over analyzing actually another means of being restless or fidgety?
Do I over-analyze to the point of distress? quite often, YES.
Am I over-analyzing this? Or could it be I have ADD symptoms that aren’t typical? I’m a lefty and I find we’re often opposite of the norm. 🙂
I hope to find an answer. Maybe Terry can help!
been there, done that. I lost a 12 year job. Don’t know why, just called into office late one afternoon. I feel like my ‘coworkers’ threw me under the bus. And since then, I feel like I have been ostracized by all those who I went out of the way for, just once I needed them-yet I am publicly shunned. And forget about being honest-nobody wants the truth, even though they say they do-now I just lie no matter what. I too am very guarded as I don’t know what I do right or do wrong? I must have been very good for a long time as well. Nobody will tell you right or wrong, yet they are extremely critical and always expect the worst.
It just tears you down and destroys your confidence. Yet, they are not like that to anybody else, just you. It’s not fair. So, I will remain guarded and ‘perform’ as they want…always playing a role FOR THEM, with nothing left for me. I don’t see that changing.
I think there are a couple of things that happen with me regarding “thinking too much”. One is that I automatically see something from so many angles. So sometimes an idea or conversation does not just go to the next obvious step. I want to see all the possibilities, not just stay with the obvious one. I think this is really a strength if I can learn to control when it is helpful and when to say to myself “let it go”.
The other is that thinking is comfortable and easy. I love to plan and think things through and figure things out. What’s hard is putting all that thinking
into action! That’s my biggest problem. Is that true for anyone else?
But, doesn’t this make us more sincere?
Yes, I may over think things sometimes. I’ll admit it.
I do think this has made it very hard for me to make larger purchases and to decorate my home. BUT once I have made up my mind I’m set.
I know exactly what you are talking about… Could
spend hours thinking very deeply about things, planning things out PERFECTLY, and figuring things out, but that often leaves no time to actually put anything into action, OR I get so overwhelmed with beginning the task that I can’t get started.